THE NEW WORST REALITY SHOW ON TV

The marauding sea monster pictured here is Kelly Cutrone, whose primary sin until now was giving Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port so-called “jobs” on “The Hills” and “The City.” And now, for reasons I can’t even begin to comprehend, Bravo has given Cutrone her own reality show, the idiotically named “Kell on Earth.”

Cutrone has been called one of the “coolest, most intimidating persons ever,” and, judging from her frank demeanor and fashion world credibility, it’s easy to see why. Bravo takes a no holds barred look into the life of one of America’s most legitimate tastemakers as she balances running her wildly successful fashion PR company, People’s Revolution, juggling Fashion Weeks in New York and London, with being a single mother and one of New York’s most notable women about town. [Bravo]

That link to Bravo includes a video of Cutrone talking about herself and the show, and I got through about 12 seconds of it before I had to stop it, lest I put my fist through my laptop screen. And for the record: the coolest, most intimidating person ever isn’t some fashionista with a reality show and a face made for radio. It’s my first battalion commander in the Marines. He looked like a hulking version of Skeletor. If he was outside, it was to smoke a cigarette or do pull-ups. He was basically was a tougher version of Clint Eastwood. I spent six months avoiding any eye contact with him.