WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: MMMM… BACON

The Closer (TNT) — Season finale. Don’t even think about commenting on Kyra Sedgwick’s daughter (Sosie Bacon); she doesn’t turn 18 until next March. Not that I’m keeping track of these things. Ha ha, I mean, why would I be interested in an attractive young woman named Bacon? Hey, look over there! *runs away*

The Sing-Off (NBC) — Live finale. I was dismayed by how many people I saw talking about this on Facebook. Stuff like that really makes me hate the Nazis. If they hadn’t gone and ruined the idea of concentration camps, we could peacefully separate a capella groups from society.

Men of a Certain Age (USA) — Whoops, still haven’t watched it. Oh well.

Ronna & Beverly (Showtime) — This pilot that wasn’t picked up has been described as a Jewish “Absolutely Fabulous” and will air at midnight. I’m skeptical, but comedy geeks seem to be excited about it.

Intervention (A&E) — Some retard got hooked on drugs. Will his family be able to save him? No, probably not.

Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Giants at Redskins. I’ll be watching at a bar, mourning the playoff losses of both my fantasy teams. Let’s hear it for the losers’ bracket!

Little Chocolatiers (TLC) — Just a reminder: this actually exists. Set your DVRs. The one-hour special will be restrained and respectful, as a story about little people making candy should be. Isn’t that right, ROALD DAHL?