HEIDI MONTAG IS A HUGE POP STAR

Heidi Montag — or Heidi Pratt, or Heidi Retard-Pratt, I’m not sure which she’s going with these days — followed up the TEN cosmetic surgeries she underwent in November with the wildly successful release of her new album, the appropriately titled Superficial. In fact, the album was downloaded a whopping 658 times in its first week! It’s already gone gold! What’s that? Oh. I’m being told that “gold” is 500 thousand in sales, not 500. Okay, so it’s not platinum, and it’s not gold. What about tin? Rusty tin?

[Montag] told Entertainment Weekly last week that she went broke making Superficial but thought that “within the first week, we will definitely make our money back.”

She told EW, “I put every dollar I have into this. I’ve spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It’s cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality… The songs will make an impact in pop history.” [Us]

I want to take joy in her going broke, but that was probably just typical hyperbole lying from this attention-craving oxygen thief. She also told Billy Bush that she almost died during her surgery, which her doctor denied. Go ahead, watch that clip of her talking to Bush. It lends credence to the theory that dolphins are more intelligent than humans.