Better Off Ted (ABC) — Weekly iteration: Dear ABC, don’t cancel it. Everyone else: watch it. Or don’t listen to me. Whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen anyway.
White Collar (USA) — Winter premiere. The show has moved from Fridays to a new slot on Tuesdays, which may attract some viewers. Not me, though.
Paranormal Cops (A&E) Series premiere. Yahoo: “By day, they work as Chicago police officers, but after dark they moonlight as paranormal investigators…” Yeah, that’s where you lost me. “Hey, what should we call a show about people who crack down on the spirit world?” “Ghostbusters?” “No, we want it to sound original.”
Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo) — Season premiere. Ahhh, I see Patti’s back for another season of me looking for new ways to call her a hatchet-faced bitch. Very well. Bring it on, you beak-nosed harpy-troll.
Dirty Jobs (Discovery) — Mike joins Miami’s Chicken Busters to round up feral chickens. He needs to come to Brooklyn and find the goddam rooster that one of my neighbors keeps. I swear to God I’m going to hunt that bird down and strangle it with my bare hands.
Blue Mountain State (Spike) — Okay, who watched it last week? Raise your AXE body spray.
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Queen of the Harpies!
White Collar is pretty awesome. Cause Tiffani “holy tits batman!” Thessian is in it.
Keep fucking that rooster… Need help let me know. Im a rooster fucking expert. I mean fucking rooster expert. I mean… Ah fuck it.
Raise your AXE body spray.
Can’t brah, my Ed Hardy t-shirt is too tight.
An original name for a police show would be Badge Patrol.
But since the network won’t let us film a show about high tech badges that shoot lasers; we should look to see who is behind the badges.
Police…Cops… Police Cops
I watched Blue Mountain State last week. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen…and I live in Ohio.
Point me to your neighbor. Strangling a cock with your bare hands is dirty work, but I’ll take one for the team.
Me and my partner drive through our beat, grab a donut, and then punch the clock.
No real excitement — we’re just a paranormal cops.
I would like to see a cop show about agents from the Department of Health checking on gynecologists’ offices. I would call it “Vadge Patrol.” It could star gay men and their motto could be, “Vadges? We don’t need no stinking vadges.”
As I’ve previously stated, Blue Mountain State could be worse but it could be soooooo much better. And by better, I mean on HBO so they can show the tits they tease us with. Nothing makes me sadder than TV blue balls. If I want blue balls, I’ll just call my ex-girlfriend. I don’t need your help trailer trash of television, er, i mean, Spike TV.
I started watching Better Off Ted cos of your many mentions of it – and I really like it! Good work.