WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: STATE OF THE UNION

Obama + American Idol = ratings gold!

State of the Union Address (Everywhere) — Tune into Fox News if you want to hear how badly Obama has irreparably destroyed America. Tune into MSNBC if you want to hear about how he’s saved it. Or do us all a favor and firebomb the headquarters of both networks.

Psych (USA) — Rachel Leigh Cook returns as Abigail. Oh, Rachel Leigh Cook: she will always be the girl from She’s All That. I can’t believe the transformation she underwent in that role. From attractive nerdy girl to really hot girl! It was amazing! They took off her glasses and changed her hair slightly! That Freddie Prinze Jr is some kind of magician!

American Idol (Fox) — Neil Patrick Harris and Joe Jonas are tonight’s guest judges. NPH was added when the producers feared that Jonas would make the show “too gay.”

The Inbetweeners (BBC America) — This show comes recommended from Warming Glow reader Nick H., who says, “It’s about a bunch of British high-schoolers trying to get drunk and laid. Yes, done before, but only done this well in Superbad.” High praise. Watch a clip here.

Before the Shore (MTV) — After tonight’s “Real World,” MTV’s offering up half an hour of previously unseen footage of the cast of “Jersey Shore.” You probably don’t care, but when I first typed the previous sentence, I accidentally wrote “cats” instead of “cast.” How awesome would that be? “The Cats of Jersey Shore” would be a HUGE hit. Well, as long as there was an animated GIF of someone punching a cat.

…And here it is! Thanks to savagemouse for introducing “Cats of the Jersey Shore.”