“Shameless” Is Gonna Be A Good Show

I have zero Photoshop skills. If I did, Lobster Dog would be presenting her with an engagement ring from me, with a note that said "Marry me Emmy, be-claws living without you would be ruff." Then we'd eat him.

I have a handful of friends who love anything and everything British.  They were all over the original version of “The Office,” adore Eddie Izzard, and create hours long playlists of 90s Brit-pop for car rides.  Quite frankly, it’s eleven or twelve different kinds of annoying.  One of the things they drone on and on about is the show “Shameless,” which they consume like little junkies at all hours of the night via illegal streaming and torrent sites.  Despite not seeing a lick of the show, I hated it solely because they loved it.

I still didn’t care when it was announced that Showtime was adopting it for an American audience. Nor did I care when they cast talented but boring actors like William H. Macy or Allison Janney.  As of yesterday, though, I am awaiting this show with baited breath.  That is because some hero leaked a nude/sex scene (NSFW) from the yet-to-air pilot featuring Emmy Rossum (more like Rawsome, amirite?).  You may remember Emmy from being cuter than puppies dressed as cats in the movie The Day After Tomorrow.  And away we go…

*interlocks fingers, cracks all knuckles at once, types “Emmy Rossum” into Google search, instantly grows wispy pervert mustache*

*opens her Wikipedia page*

Emmanuelle Grey “Emmy” Rossum (born September 12, 1986) is an American actress and singer-songwriter.

American?!  You’re kidding.  Emmy Rossum is the most British sounding name I’ve ever heard.  Even just saying it makes me break into a British accent.  Ok, scrolling scrolling…

Rossum was married to music executive Justin Siegel for a year and a half before he filed for divorce in 2009.

Nice.  A little emotional baggage is my only shot at her stooping to my level.  Now I just have to hope she didn’t shack up with some douche like Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz. *laughs hysterically at mere thought of such a cute, 23 year-old actress dating a washed up, middle-aged musician*

Rossum is currently dating Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz.

Mother of God.

Alright ladies and gays, someone explain this to me.  Adam Duritz has been waist deep in choice tail since the mid-90s, and I can’t for the life of me figure it out.  Dude was ugly back when he was “hot.”  Now he’s soiling my future wife with his dirty hippie dreadlocks.  This is unacceptable and I need answers.

Matt should be back shortly.  Now hurry up and get this placed cleaned up.  Don’t tell him I let you listen to rap music, make fun of fat people, and look at boobies.  Wait a second.  Do tell him all that, please.