What’s on Tonight: Addiction

Intervention (A&E) — Richard, a crack addict, is tonight’s subject. I got a bunch of pistachios yesterday, and I couldn’t quite decide if pistachios are the heroin, the meth, or the crack of the nut world. I think maybe all three combined. No other nut comes close to the addictive power of pistachios. Except, of course, DEEZ NUTS.

CSI: Miami (CBS) — A soccer mom gets murdered, uncovering a dark family secret (image via).

Chuck (NBC) — Christopher Lloyd guest stars as Chuck’s shrink. Apparently, putting superpower-endowing computer chips inside of a person’s brain may have side effects. Who knew?

The Big Bang Theory (CBS) — Judy Greer guest stars as a famous physicist. That’s okay, Judy — I still respect your for “Arrested Development” and “Archer.” By the way, FX needs to play a lot less Hitman and lot more “Archer” reruns. I don’t want to have to go to Hulu any more than I already do.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — F you, tubby housewives.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — Arianna Huffington and New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz guest star as themselves at a fancy-pants party. Of course, the last time I saw Will Shortz, he was wearing sweat pants and playing ping-pong. I hope he dressed up a little for the role.

One Tree Hill (CW) — What is this show? Is it still on? I thought it was on ABC Family? Was Jessica Biel ever on it?