Note to Self: ‘MIA’ is Miami

The delightfully lowbrow “Jersey Shore” returned last night, with our favorite Guidos moving south from Seaside Heights down to MIA, which is Miami. (The Situation doesn’t assume you have intuitive skills, which is actually quite thoughtful of him.)

BuzzFeed has assembled the best quotes from the Season 2 premiere, but here are the moments that rounded out my top five:

4:

When you’ve only read two books your entire life, it doesn’t take much.

3:

Pauly said this with such swagger that it felt like sketch comedy. Okay, pretend you’re two Guidos who’ve driven out into a South Carolina field in the middle of the night to shoot off firecrackers, but your Cadillac SUV gets stuck in the mud. How do you react? “Triple-A, bitch! I got that gold membership!”

2:

I’m sure she meant the 1620s.

1:

The best moment of the episode, and a brilliant job of editing. After several minutes of increasing bitchiness that blew up into a full-on shouting match during a cab ride, the show cut from the pandemonium in the women’s cab to a two-second shot of the men sitting in silence. If you put this on New York Magazine’s Approval Matrix, it would be at the far reaches of “Lowbrow” and “Brilliant.”