SITE NEWS: Hey everybody, sorry for the lack of updates and the site being down this afternoon. Believe me, I sent a lot of frustrated emails while our tech people were like, “blah blah server blah.” Anyway, things should be all good now. Also, I’m going to be in and out over the next couple days while I travel to see my parents. When I’m not here, you’ll be able to enjoy the comedic stylings of Danger Guerrero and KSK’s Mike Tunison. Have fun and play nice!
Real Housewives of D.C. (Bravo) – Series premiere. Botox, social climbing, polo, and politics. I’d rather watch file footage of the Holocaust.
The Squad: Prison Police (A&E) – Series premiere. A reality show that follows Tennessee police investigators who look into every serious crime in the state’s prison system. From Yahoo: “Those crimes are all over the board, from riots to assaults to drug dealings to murder.” You know it’s hardcore when widespread anal rape doesn’t even get mentioned.
Jersey Shore (MTV) – Sammi tries to find out what Ronnie did at the club; Pauly blows up at Angelina. I have no idea how they resist what must be a constant urge to take turns beating the living daylights out of Angelina.
So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) – Four dancers remain. Flo Rida and Janelle Monae perform.
Police Women of Memphis (TLC) – Season finale. Did you know Justin Timberlake is originally frm Memphis? It’s true. My girlfriend told me that. Then she put a fedora on me, turned the lights down, and told me not to talk.
Project Runway (Lifetime) – The winner of tonight’s challenge gets a 50-foot billboard in New York. You know what I’d put on a 50-foot billboard? This. (NSFW)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/grimm-tv-show-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Abigail-Spencer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/florida-stanley-150x150.png)
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Comedic stylings? Ugh, fine.
*grabs gong and chest full of humorous props*
Your girlfriend has a thing for Terence Howard?
Thank god that just as one Tennessee police reality show ends another one begins. No amount of heroin could bridge a gap like that.
P.S. if you want to watch Holocaust file footage stop by around 9. Ray is bringing a pony keg.
No offense to Doucher Greasbacko, but i just barfed in me captain’s log hearing who’s helming thy vessel! Such a varmint is unfit to spitshine me crapbucket let alone give ‘is opinion on TV. Mutiny fellow hell-hated fiends! If thine will be done, strike thru this mask that hides nothing beyond but vacuous thoughts regurgitated, fraught full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
No offense to Doucher Greasbacko, but i just barfed in me captain’s log hearing who’s helming thy vessel! Such a varmint is unfit to spitshine me crapbucket let alone give ‘is opinion on TV. Mutiny fellow hell-hated fiends!
None taken.
Footage of the cast of Jersey Shore being subjected to the aforementioned widespread anal rape would be a lolocaust.
…but the Steelers don’t have a television show.
Why is a pirate commenting on a TV blog?
Good luck with the blog guys think i’ll head west to find a sugar daddy! My life was boring but finally i can find an ahole to ignore me in my underoos and ‘bate to other people on the tv…but this time there’ll be a ring on that finger.
Harken my good wop, imagine in yer mind’s eye the utter bleakness of being lost 20,000 leagues beyond the wide world’s end, as wave upon wave of heartless tide rocks the vessel you call yer home more even than the taint-chute you slid down wailing and crying the day you first and last laid eyes on poontang. Marooned on ship with a crew depending on ye navigate thee perilous seas, ye look out thine bifocals and glean the shimmer of countless TVs, glowing ‘pon the blessed coast, revealing where you be. Remember not? You’ve been stowing in hiding with other vagrants ‘pon a docked yacht during a wealthy benefactor’s vacation offseason. Ye and yer misfit band of stowaways failed at lives of legitimacy, so you surf the pirated wireless connection from another boat 30 talents far and 10 degrees starboard. A pirate’s life of ravaging women sites and hapless commenters for me! That damnable satellite plucked handily from an apartment won’t pick up a connection, and blogging be the only way to vicariously enjoy the wonder of reality TV. Plus ye need a break from wanking every few hours. Wonder ye now at the fiery hunt?
Oh by the by, ye been pillaged sir, next time keep yer legs closed and thy mouth occupied.
I died of dysentery while reading all that Fwapdaddy
But read it ye did, ya scurvy row boat troll. And die ye shall, and my advice is to drink thine own issue to maintain yer electrolytes as long as possible.
Is too early to start saying bring back Matt?
Matt has a girlfriend?
I want Jon Bois back. He was the only one who called you all on your blind devotion to anything Ufford watches.
Bring Bois Back!