British Teen Catfight!

I’m sorry about that headline. It insinuates that this “X Factor” clip of best friends Abby and Lisa is sexy, and there is nothing remotely sexy about this video. Unless you are a water buffalo. Or perhaps an elephant seal. A desperate elephant seal.

To give you a rundown of events: Abby and Lisa prattle on about being best friends for a while, then they argue on stage, then they tell the restless crowd to shut up, then they sing terribly — oh I know, I was as surprised as you are that two fat idiots with no self-awareness didn’t have perfect voices — and they finish the clip with obscenities and a punch to the face (around the 5:00 mark). As RoboPanda noted when he sent this to me, they’re basically a real-life duo of Vicky from “Little Britain.”

Hey, here’s a fun game. I call it “Guess the Relative.”