Giraldo, who had an bachelor’s degree from Columbia and a law degree from Harvard, was a judge on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing” but will likely be best remembered for his appearances at Comedy Central roasts. He never made headlines the way that Lisa Lampanelli or Jeffrey Ross did, but his material was always among the funniest and most original.
On Pamela Anderson: “You’ve caused me to spill more seed than Muhammed Ali at a bird feeder.”
On George Hamilton: “You’re like Tang. You’re dry and orange and no one has given a f–k about you since 1968.”
On Hulk Hogan: “I can’t imagine why your wife left you. You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooters waitress… You had a reality show called ‘Hogan Knows Best.’ It should’ve been called ‘Hogan Grows Breasts.’”
On Jerry Springer: You were an aide to Bobby Kennedy, which probably explains your connection to Hasselhoff: I guess you like to hang around guys whose careers end on a hotel floor. That’s a good joke, everybody.”
On Hasselhoff: “You used to have a car that started when you talked to it, now you have a car that won’t start when you blow into it.” (And my favorite:) “Your liver is so shriveled, black, and dead, if you put your ear to your side, you can hear it go, ‘Whatchoo talkin bout, Willis?’“
And all of that is just from the most recent roast. He was incredibly talented, and he’s dead at the age of 44. And yet Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Dunham, and Carlos Mencia are all alive today. Thanks for nothing, God.
I want more like this!
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