Gossip Girl (CW) — Season 4 premiere. Serena (Blake Lively) and Blair (Leighton Meester) begin the season in Paris. Last season, Chuck got shot in Prague, and crazy Georgina told Dan that she’s pregnant with his baby, which is why you always wear protection if they’ve got the crazy eyes. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the silly will-they-or-won’t-they thing that’s been going on between Blake and me. C’mon, honey, stop playing coy. I sent you all my best toes.
90210 (CW) — Season premiere. I’m torn between which incarnation of “90210″ is better: the new one has attractive people, but the original actually mattered to pop culture. I’d call that a push.
The Closer (TNT) — Season finale. Hey, remember when Kyra Sedgwick won an Emmy for this show? That’s the surest sign I can find that television needs better programming with central female characters.
Bachelor Pad (ABC) — Two-hour season finale. Fittingly, it will be cross-promoted with “Dancing with the Stars.” As if anyone who watches “Bachelor Pad” doesn’t already watch “DWTS.” More importantly, this is followed by the season finale of “Dating in the Dark.” The final five minutes of “Dating in the Dark” is the only time a reality show has ANY kind of suspense for me.
Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Ravens at Jets followed by Chargers at Chiefs. Should be an exciting night of me following my fantasy football scoreboard.
The World of Jenks (MTV) — This documentary show actually tries to promote understanding of other people. On MTV. Yeah, I know. I don’t know what the catch is.