Not The Kardashians!

I hope everyone still has their Y2K shelters stocked with canned goods, bottled water, and Lou Bega’s smash debut album A Little Bit of Mambo, because things are about to get REAL.  (Note:  Looking back on it, Bega probably should have named his album A Long, Profitable Career’s Worth of Mambo, but I digress.)  At midnight tonight, a number of carriage agreements expire that could mean blackouts of channels on certain providers — most notably the Comcast-owned E! and Style Network on DISH Network.  Via Deadline, here is the official statement from E! and Style:

We are in active negotiations with DISH Network.  We are trying to reach a fair agreement, however, it is our belief they will once again turn their backs on their subscribers by dropping the networks and holding E! and Style fans hostage. In actively choosing to discontinue these two networks, Dish is denying their subscribers E!, the ultimate network for entertainment fans with marquee January events from exclusive coverage of Red Carpet season to the premiere of the new season of the Kardashian show Kourtney & Kim Take NY, and Style, the home of transformations, from fashion, to beauty to home, featuring all-new seasons of Kimora and Jerseylicious.

Oh my heavens! What will we do without “Kimora” and “Jerseylicious”? And however will I get by without knowing how a girl whose fame is based on having made a sex tape with the younger brother of the girl from “Moesha” fared in New York with her sister? I do declare, I feel like I’m becoming a touch weak in the knees. Oh dear… (*dramatically raises back of hand to forehead, faints*)

Seriously, if we could just move “The Soup” to VH1 or something, you could pretty much murder everyone on E! and Style and I’d probably just shrug my shoulders and finish eating this sandwich.  Even you, Topanga.  Sorry, sister.

After the jump, the banner pic explained in song form.