Weekend Preview: Happy New Year!

That’s right, I’m breaking out Party Corgi and the fireworks, because it’s already 2011 in places like Australia, Hong Kong, and Kuala Lumpur (btw, check out NYE images at The Big Picture). Later tonight — head cold be damned — I’ll be ringing in the New Year at a small and quiet gathering of friends who value the same things I do: being able to hear each other speak, not paying an obscene cover charge, and strong well-made drinks that are free but for the cost of the liquor.

Before we get to the listings, I’d like to point you in the direction of two very fine TV references: TV Squad’s timeline of when all your TV shows return with new episodes, and TV Tango’s exhaustive list of all the marathons that will play over the coming weekend.

MTV New Year’s Eve Bash 2011 (MTV) — Hosted by Whitney Cummings and DJ’d by Pauly D of “Jersey Shore” fame, with an appearance by Flo Rida, who I’m told is a person and not a state. I’ve also heard something about Snooki being involved somehow.

Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest 2011 (ABC) — It’s a long title, but it’s just to prepare America for a big transition. You know, there will come a day when New Year’s Eve won’t be hosted by Dick Clark. And people will be like, “Man, I thought he’d never die.” Scheduled to perform: some of the finest musicians on the planet, such as Ke$ha, Train, New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, and Willow Smith.

New Year’s Eve Live with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin (CNN) — CNN has said that it will pull Griffin off the air immediately if she drops another F-bomb like she did last year, which would dramatically improve this program. Both the F-bomb and the lack of Griffin, that is.

106 & Party: New Year’s Eve Special (BET) — Actually, this might have the best lineup of performers of anything on tonight: Lil Wayne, Drake, and Nicki Minaj. Well done, BET.

TicketCity Bowl (ESPN U, Saturday) — Northwestern versus Texas Tech in Dallas, meaning that the stadium will be about 1% purple and 99% red. GO CATS!

The Rose Bowl (ESPN, Saturday) — Wisconsin versus TCU. Always seems weird when one of the teams in the Rose Bowl isn’t from the Big Ten or Pac-10, but this game still piques my interest more than any matchup besides Auburn-Oregon.

Rams at Seahawks (NBC, Sunday) — A primetime battle to see which terrible team wins the NFC West and hosts a first-round ass-kicking in the playoffs. As a Seahawks fan, I find this painfully depressing. I want my team to win, but I also don’t want them to go down in history as the only sub-.500 team to make the playoffs. Ah well, I suppose that’s what whiskey is for.

[GIF via]