Okay, this is a really sad story, but it’s also a story of great stupidity, so I’m going to try to take some of the edge off of this by playing one of our favorite games: FLORIDA OR OHIO? It’s easy to play: you just read about Americans at their finest, and then take a guess as to which state’s woefully backward population provided the drama.
The homeowner, Karen Rhine, told Fox 8 that the blaze on Gayer Drive was accidentally ignited when her 19-year-old son used a lighter to look for a remote control under his bed.
“Up went the mattress and before he could even, he tried to flip over the mattress to get it and put it out”, said Rhine, “and everything just went up.”
Investigators say in the panicked moments after the fire started, members of the family made a fateful decision.
“On the way out, they thought they were going to try to control some of the smoke damage, open up some windows and open up the door and propped it open”, said Chief Bob Painter, “and actually it works in the opposite with the wind, it just turned the whole house into a chimney, feeding the fire with the oxygen and it just continued to grow.” [LA Times]
(The sad part of the story is that the family’s three dogs died in the fire. Guhhhh, that kills me.) Anyway, the correct answer is…
_________
OHIO! Yes, the fire took place in Medina, Ohio, the same place where farts break up city council meetings. And due south of Medina is Warsaw, where garage strippers protest church protesters. Never change, Ohio.
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They had time to discuss smoke abatement strategy, open multiple windows, prop open the door, but not find the dogs? Assholes. That fire claimed the wrong victims.
I saw the name Rhine, and figured Ohio. Although Gayer Drive had me re-thinking it for a bit
I see your remote control fire and raise you latino gentleman w/ a parrot on his shoulder in my neaighborhood.
This is why I’m in favor of screening the educational filmstrip Backdraft in all public high schools.
Of course it’s Ohio. We don’t know how to change the batteries in our remotes in Florida.
Florida and Ohio. The week isn’t over yet!
Man, you know what would really help tamp these flames down?
AIR.
I’d suspect Arson but lets be honest, these people don’t have insurance.
As the resident Ohioan among the GloMo’s, I would like to say that I knew that this story was too absurd to not take place in Ohio.
I can only imagine the madness that goes on in the quaint village of Florida, Ohio. But I assume most of it is meth-based.
Florida or Ohio? Sounds suspiciously like the game they play on Adam Carolla’s podcast called “Florida or Germany”
Karen Rhine, told Fox 8 that the blaze on Gayer Drive was accidentally ignited
The house was the second-most flaming thing on that street.
Here’s a couple of rules I go by in this game. If it involves multiple acts of stupidity, e.g., light mattress on fire, flip mattress for easier burning, open windows for fuel, then it’s Ohio. If it’s one stupid move with botched cover ups, it’s usually Florida. It’s not that I think Ohio people are dumber. No, no, it’s just that I think Florida people are too lazy to think up compound dumb moves.
Woman Robs Girl Scout Of $92
[consumerist.com]
A 7-year-old Girl Scout and her mom set up shop selling cookies at a Florida shopping center when a woman in her 30s allegedly decided that she preferred a wad of cash to Thin Mints. Police say the woman swiped $92 and sped off in her car.
Can’t let Florida off that easily.
@Sid – That isn’t being stupid, that’s taking initative.
Oh yeh. I moved from Ohio when I was five and still I could recognize the machinations.
In florida the place would have gone up because he lit the match too close to his meth lab.
16 comments and not ONE Talking Heads “Burning Down The House” reference? Dissapoint.