Californication/Episodes/Shameless (Showtime, Sunday) – All these shows are supposedly pretty good. “Californation” and “Shameless” bring steady amounts of nudity. Example: Emmy Rossum (who I’ve already confessed my love to on this blog) in this NSFW scene. I will, er uh, conduct a, er, fact-finding mission to see if these two statements are related.
Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (Starz, Friday) – More nudity! This one maybe with ding dongs!
Fringe (FOX, Friday) – Commenter Patty Boots goes on and on about this show. Here you go, Patty.
Nick Kroll: Thank You Very Cool (Comedy Central, Saturday) – I’ve copped to being a comedy nerd a lot, and this is one special I’m really looking forward to. You may recognize Kroll as Ruxin on “The League,” but he also brings serious chops in the form of character work as well. (A.V. Club interview with Kroll here)
SAG Awards (TBS, Sunday) – Smug, self-important actors giving awards to themselves is the most masturbatory exercise ever. And I’m including masturbation.
Tailgate Warriors (Food Network, Saturday) – I only point this out to mention that host Guy Fieri’s is patient zero of douche. As I tweeted earlier, he’s so surreally douchey he might as well have a wristband for a face.
The Lost Valentine (ABC, Sunday) – A made-for-TV movie starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Betty White. From TV Guide: “a dogged TV reporter finds her own love life changed when she profiles a World War II widow who continues to honor the memory of her navy pilot husband 65 years after he was declared missing in action.” Look, I’ll defend Jennifer Love Hewitt til I die, but… guh. More hooker movies.
Hooker GIF after the jump
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That gif makes it appear as if an endless army of slutty JLH are walking into that room.
Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (Starz, Friday) – More nudity! This one maybe with ding dongs!
No maybe about it, buddy.
Saying Spartacus and Californication both contain nudity is like saying the Super Bowl and Jerry Maguire both contain references to professional football. Spartacus is the nakedest show that ever nakeded, and for that, we thank you.
I have been told that the adorable Michelle Beadle will be on Tailgate Warriors. I honestly think that it’s a step up to go from Colin Cowherd to Fieri.
Regarding Emmy Rossum showing the goods:
I’m not sure who first came up with the concept that a former child/teen actress, to prove that she is now ready for mature roles, has to engage in major nudity – but whoever that person was, should have a federal holiday in their honor.
Aaw, I <3 you.
I’m all over Patty’s Fringe.
Oh, you know what I mean.
(Want me to draw you a picture?… Really, it would be no trouble. Got three or four already right here!…)
I thought the award for best maturbation scene at the Adult Video Awards, was the most masturbatory practice ever.
Or golf.
Fringe is on Fox…but thanks for mentioning anyways DG
I would very much like to make Michelle Beadle into a Tailpipe Warrior. Wait, the show is called Tailgate Warriors? Eh, I got nothin’.
For my money, Nick Kroll does his best work as Stu on Life and Times of Tim. Anyone? Anyone else?
Yo, what the fuck, PATTY?! Why you gotta make me look like a dipshit and not tell me Fringe is on FOX? Now I gotta correct it. On my phone. From a bar. Thanks a lot.
If you like Nick Kroll you should check out the Comedy Death Ray Radio podcast when he’s one there. They got it broken down in itunes when he’s on there. He does some characters on it that are funny as fuck.
I didn’t even notice!!! I’m so embarrassed.
I’m sorry, some of this interwbs jargon is confusing to an old guy like me: does <3 mean "swinging balls"?
I just caught up on fringe. First season is a cross between X-Files and Creepshow. It’s not as good as that sounds.
By the end of the second season and now third, its more like a cross between X-Files and Ellis’s Planetary. And it’s way better than that sounds.
re: Emmy Rossum naked – It’s very promising for that show that it’s on it’s third episode and she’s been naked in two of them…
I’m ok with all the nudity, but I don’t want to see Guy Fieri’s Ding Dong!
Someone needs to tell Miss Rossum that REAL actresses get huge tit jobs and call me on the weekends.
I’m ok with all the nudity, but I don’t want to see Guy Fieri’s Ding Dong!
He actually covered it with real Ding Dongs and then deep fried the whole thing. You can’t even see the penis.
Eisenberg did a surprisingly good job as host of SNL.
This is the best gif ever!!!