I give up, man. Here I am trying to compile all the 
- “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
- [on the possibility that he's bipolar] “Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.”
- “I probably took more [drugs] than anyone could survive. I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: GO. [...] I’m different. I have a different brain, I have a different heart… I got tiger blood, man.”
- [on the possibility of a relapse] “No. Not going to, period the end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can’t is the cancer of happen.”
- [on how awesome he is at partying] “The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, look like droopy-eyed, armless children. [...] I expose people to magic. I expose them to something they’re never going to see in their otherwise boring lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they’ll live with that memory for the rest of their lives, and that’s a gift, man.”
I’m starting to get a little worried. Not about Charlie Sheen — about myself. The more I here him talk, the more I think, “You know what? Maybe Charlie Sheen is right. Maybe he really is as bitchin’ as he says he is.” Think about it: what if Charlie isn’t on drugs? That’s worse, right? To be that barking mad without cocaine? He’s scarier than a closeted Scientologist.
Oh, and this post ain’t over yet: we haven’t even gotten to NBC’s “Today Show” interview. Hoo boy:
Jeff Rossen: The first question America wants to know: Are you clean right now?
Sheen: Look at me. DUHHH. Drug test don’t lie.
Rossen: When was the last time you did drugs?
Sheen: Don’t remember. Don’t care. Drug test don’t lie. Scoreboard doesn’t lie.
You know what that scoreboard says? WINNING.
“I am on a drug, it’s called CHARLIE SHEEN. It’s not available, because if you try it once, you’ll die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?”
Also, Charlie apologized to “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre. Specifically, Sheen is sorry that Lorre’s such a little bitch:
“I’m sorry if I offended you. Didn’t know you were so sensitive. I thought after you wailing on me for eight years, that I could take a few shots back. I didn’t know you were going to take your ball and go home and punish everybody in the process.”
Oh, and he’s suing CBS and demanding a raise to $3 million an episode because he’s underpaid. Because of what CBS has put him through. And yes, all of this was said in complete seriousness. CBS is gonna learn that you don’t put dampers on the engines of an F-18.
UPDATE: Live interview with Sheen right now on TMZ. This is amazing. It just won’t stop.
[Thanks to FilmDrunk and Inside TV for their transcribing efforts]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/michael_jordan-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/louis-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/lohan-sailor-moon-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/sheen1-150x150.png)
I’ll be honest.
This interview was actually more than I ever dreamed of. It’s probably the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. And how did you not include his best quote?
“I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen’. It’s not AVAILABLE because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will MELT OFF, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
More PURE AWESOME:
“I am on a drug, it’s called CHARLIE SHEEN. It’s not available, because if you try it once, you’ll die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?”
[On his BITCHIN' rockstar life:]
“I am going to completely embrace it, wrap both arms around it, and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.”
Best link URL ever: [yhoo.it]
Man he is one entertaining bastard! You can just smell the huge meltdown coming and I think it just might be Travis Bickle big!
YES! YES! and YES!!! He can’t be defeated! In HOME rehab!!
Charlie is starting to make sense to me.
He just wants to do drugs and bang on a private plane and he doesnt care if you think that is not what adults are supposed to do. This is how he wants to die and he doesnt care if you think that the way you are supposed to die is with your grand children surrounding your smelly body.
Right on man. Right on.
ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT
GOT MONEY ON MY MIND I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH
I have to go now. My mom needs the computer.
I think Charlie Sheen could be the next great motivational speaker of our times. Listen not just to what he says but the unflinching conviction in which he says it. Theres alot of wisdom under that whirling dervish tornado of a person. Think about it.
Shared quotes, Fred Smoot. WINNING
Little known fact: Charlie Sheen and James “Think of the Squirrels” Lee used to party together.
I think we are all missing the big picture, Major League 3! Which actually would be the 4th Major League movie.
Also, from last week: Vatican Assassin Warlocks WILL BE my teams new softball name, with a picture of charlie on the front.
In early 2011 Sheen split with his former professors at the Underpants Gnome School of Logic, developing his own formula for success.
/future accepted Sheen Wikipedia entry edit
Rhymes with “winning,” Chad Henne. Uh, yeah that would be us.
I just saw this quote:
“These insults are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre.”
Then it dawned on me that maybe this is all some big Franco/Phoenix sort of performance art. I mean, even for something that has been over the top, he’s taking it even further.
[www.tmz.com]
he’s giving a live interview now….
Assuming he’s still alive this time next year, I want Charlie Sheen to host the Oscars with a porn star of his choice. Everyone who attends the event gets a “I’M AN F-18 BRO” T-shirt at the door.
I particularly enjoyed:
“I was bangin’ 7 gram rocks; and finishing them. Cause that’s how I roll.”
When’s the last time you heard anyone brag unapologetically about blazing through a truly massive quantity of crack? Howbout never.
Great stuff.
The boring world<snuggiesoriginal>winning(bi-winning)
I am intrigued by his ideas and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.
The man defines intensity.
Textbook cocaine psychosis. The effects of stimulant abuse stick around for the rest of the drug abuser’s life. His erratic speech and delusions remind me a lot of Gary Busey, who abused cocaine as well.
@Carl: You may be right,but I doubt Busey’s utterances and actions were THIS nutty.
@Carl – I seriously thought Sheen was off his head on cocaine but was he proven clean in the test?
If so, then he may just be bipolar, you can’t be that nutty and be ‘normal’.
Maybe it’s because I grew up in LA and I heard many a Charlie Sheen story, but this is nothing new. This is who he is. Has always been this way. He was just was hiding it from public view because he didn’t have a tv show ten years ago. Now that he’s made enough money, he doesn’t care anymore.
The only problem will be if the authorities get involved and he gets arrested for drug use. Which would be stupid and pointless. Assuming he doesn’t get behind the wheel of a car, he should be allowed to do whatever he wants with his money and body.
You know what’s weird? At first I thought that Charlie Sheen was a huge asshole. Now, I actually think he’s awesome. The magic is working.
>He just wants to do drugs and bang on a private plane and he doesnt >care if you think that is not what adults are supposed to do.
You just name some of the greatest rockers in history, most of them dead, and that’s how they rolled too.
And god knows the world is a better place for it.
I dont want to see Jimi or Led Zep playing a duet with some Simon Cowell spawned douche of the day, I prefer Moon and Morrisson to have lived fast and died young so my memories dont get raped like they do watching Carlos Santana play with every two bit asswipe just so he can finally get some airplay again.
We all want to live the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle.
Sure, Carlos doesnt have much talent (it takes very, very little talent to be in movies… models do it for pete’s sake!) but he has the sex and drugs thing pat.
In that way, he is a perfect replacement for Keith Richards who is probably dead except for the all the drugs corsing through his body.
Dont forget, Jerry Garcia was a functioning junkie for the last 20 years of his life, hooked on heroin. He went into a few diabetic comas and kept going on and finally one day decided to clean up.
He went into rehab and died.
His body functioned because of the drugs that helped him through the 200-250 shows a year hed play. Take that out of the body and he was gone.
But 20years of Just Say Know means that kids nowadays look up to the Jonas brothers and their promise rings as opposed to when kids my age wanted to be in GNR, Poison and all those effiminate hairspray loving bands because of the poon and the drugs. (no one wanted to be in Motley Crue or Poison because of the crappy music and the homoerotic dressing up…it was all about drugs and pussy. Judas Priest fans were all about the cock.)
If Carlos dies today, there will be not one thing he will regret not doing. Maybe that’s his biggest burden… he’s done it all, what next?
He’s snorted so much coke that it doesnt excite him anymore and banged so many porn stars in so many disgusting and deranged ways that straight missionary doesnt even compute in his mind anymore.
“And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”
Hans Gruber, Die Hard.
The thing is, Carlos is damn freaking interesting now. That show he is on is mindnumbingly stupid (and its #1!!) and only his recent adventures have gotten me interested again.
Id rather listen to a nihilistic comic like Doug Stanhope than a Seinfeld because watching the first is 100 times more interesting than the latter.
This is the most interesting Carlos has been since he was banging a young Ginger Lynn.
I cant wait to see waht he does for an encore.
I seriously thought Sheen was off his head on cocaine but was he proven clean in the test?
Apparently cocaine is out of your system in like 3 days at the most. Unlike pot that lasts for weeks. Adam Carolla had Dr. Bruce (real Dr, unlike, say, Dr. Phil) on his show the other day talking about this. Pot can last like, months, but things like coke won’t show up on a test after even a couple days.
A psychology analysis for Charlie Sheen
[www.psychology-advice.net]
Thanks Bobman.
I have known Charlie Sheen since Platoon. He has always been this incredible.He burns through most people in his life but leaves them wanting. Just as he’s doing for all of us now. A hot meteor destined to cause the most damage including his own brilliant burnout.
The sad thing is that if he keeps up this behavior and lifestyle, he won’t make it another year. It’s sad because he has already proved his potential and now he is letting drugs and alcohol rule his world.
I LOVE how the reporter kept it straight, like Charlie was making sense during this interview. Dude is a space cadet!
You people don’t get it.
1. Charlie Sheen really did cure himself by thinking it.
2. He speaks alot of magick, being a warlock etc. if you understood how that worked you won’t be laughing. “Winning” is part of this magick. Along with speaking of closing his eyes, and using hatred. You laugh at him for calling himself a warlock, but ur thinking of a wizard like lord of the rings but sheen really is a warlock. Hey, he was the highest paid man on tv.. he didnt accomplish that by being ‘insane’ as u see him.
3. Sheen doesn’t talk and act like us because Sheen lives in “millionaire” land. He does sound strange to us, and the media is a having fun making his life seem like a circus. I do believe he is ‘winning’ despite what the media depicts. I think the guy is genious.
good bobman…
their is no meaing behind “bi winning” is their?
My friend Brandon bets that Charlie Sheen will die within this year.. Possibly?
My husband was more than a man when we got married , but after giving him a baby girl he started to neglect me and he disappeared with another woman until i used templeofloved@gmail.com love spell which brought him back in 4days.I was confident on his spell because my two sister has confirm his powerful spell before.My family is united and back together again in love and happiness all by the help of this spell caster who is so awesome in his spell.thank you my spell caster,i will never forget you! Saner