Ron Swanson Sure Looks Different

That snatch is branded'!

Warming Glow reader William is revisiting “Deadwood” on Blu-Ray, and he emailed with a disturbing bit of minutiae: Nick Offerman, better known as Ron Swanson in “Parks and Recreation,” appeared nude in the first season of the HBO western. Offerman showed up in the second episode as Tom Mason, the naked man who bursts into Al Swearengen’s (Ian McShane) office after branding some whores with his iron (read: penis).

Astounded that RON SWANSON’S PENIS wasn’t common Internet knowledge, I headed over to my local Google device and discovered that Tim Goodman — one of very few excellent TV critics — had the same revelation just four weeks earlier at his blog, The Bastard Machine:

Listen, it’s not going to end well for Tom Mason. But before he goes out, he’s going to drink a lot of whiskey, buy a hooker and do some “branding.” … Judging by the way he’s proudly holding it, you might say it will one day end up on Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness.

Unfortunately for those readers who are gay, female, or merely curious, Goodman didn’t include any photographic evidence of Offerman’s dong. And that’s where *I* come in. Yes, I have your not-safe-for-work dong screencaps right here. I can’t imagine Ron Swanson approves of public male nudity, but you can definitely see why he respects a good breakfast sausage.