Know your ABCs: Always Be Cool
It’s been a long time since a show has kicked enough ass to require a write-up of Just the Badass Parts, but holy hell did last night’s episode of “Justified” (S2E5, “Cottonmouth”) qualify — and then some. As always with JBA, I don’t get hung up on character names or plot points: I’m here strictly to celebrate the devastating ownage.
- As I noted subtly in the headline, a man got tased in the crotch.
KAKOW!
- SIDE NOTE TO CROTCH-TASING: That’s his own taser being used against him. Deputy U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens doesn’t take kindly to surprise electric shocks (see video below).
- A son sends his father to jail.
- A reformed crook, cajoled into a robbery by three other bad guys, pulls off a brilliant double cross that ends with the bad guys blowing themselves up.
- “It’s not your gun hand”: I didn’t think any moment could top the crotch-tasing, but then a hillbilly mother punishes her grown son by SHATTERING HIS FINGERS WITH A BALLPEEN HAMMER. Holy crap, that was metal.
Elsewhere on the Internet, other folks are raving that this was the best episode of the season and the writing was incredible and Walton Goggins deserves more credit for his quietly magnetic performance — and that’s all true. But man oh man, that ballpeen hammer. I haven’t been that disturbed by a scary white woman breaking bones since Misery.
[GIF via This Fading Magic, video via TV Squad]
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Boyd Crowder has never been tased and yet his hair still looks like that
Best line of the episode:
“If you’re gonna make it in this line of work you need to remember your ABC’s. Always Be Cool.”
Raylan is bad-ass, of course, but Boyd Crowder is the best character on the show.
I’m going to force my kids to watch the last scene from last night and tell them thats what happens when you misbehave. I call it tough love.
Also, the part where Raylan threatens the guy with tasering his mouth was bad ass.
Walton Goggins is fan-fucking-tastic in this show. And that hammer to the fingers thing…yikes
Barney’s movie had heart, but “Taser in the Balls” had a taser in the balls..
I’ve taken to calling Mags Bennett’s two idiot sons Bebop and Rocksteady. In this analogy, she is Krang, and her sheriff son is Shredder.
Best episode of the season. I still don’t know whats worse, the physical pain from the hammer on Coover or the emotional paid Dickey received when he was basically told he’s too crippled and worthless to even get the hammer.
Dude, I’ve been saying since the first episode this season, they’re the Beagle Boys from DuckTales
Or how about Coover crawling into his mother’s lap and apologizing after she just shattered his metacarpals? She got mad head games.
I cringed during the hammer scene more than I have for any horror movie in the past 10 years. It was that uncomfortable.
That is one messed-up family.
The “Dead Wood” of US Marshall television shows.
Out-fucking-standing
I used to think Naymond Bryce’s mom was the worst all-time TV mom but… yeah I think Mags takes that title.
Dewey Crowe is a great character too. The opening scene with Raylan in the medical exam room:
“I thought it was sum kinda monkey vah-rus or sumpin!”
“D’you unnerstan more-guh-jez n’ shit, ahh don’!”
Another great line (aside from the Hillbilly Whisperer one) was Raylan’s response to being told to mind his business by Kyle at the Crowder house: “Well that wouldn’t be like me…”
God damnit, why does the first Justified I miss this season have to be the best episode thus far? I got to watch the whole damn thing on mute while on a phone call.
Can I bitch about spoilers now? It seems like it’s been a while since I’ve seen that come up.
I never bother with gifs, but i saw that ball taze and needed to get that damn thing up. I’m glad it made it here for those unfortunate viewers who couldn’t see last night’s episode live. Oh Raylan Givens, taze more balls, bro.
Fuck, its time for me to start watching this show.
/so behind the times
Just watched it. Was the best of season so far. Have you noticed that when there is a ‘Deadwood’ cast member on Justified, it is pretty great? That hostage one in the Fed Building last season was also great and that had what’s his name?
We need Ian McShane to do a recurring role on Justified.
Now last night wasn’t perfect. There was no Natalie Zea.
I’m less disturbed by the Mags character than the mom she played in Million Dollar Baby. Either way, this lady [www.imdb.com] plays creepy Southern broad better than anybody in the business. Nice work if you can get it. (She actually played a sweet character in Dexter. I should just stop now and go start the Margo Martindale fan club.)
Easily the best of the season, I love the video of Mag’s smashing Coover’s hand. Great Stuff.
[grizzlybomb.com]