“They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I’m not made of stone!”
My apartment is decorated with a “Dexter” bobblehead, old issues of TV Guide with the casts of “Six Feet Under” and “The Sopranos,” and a fake press pass for Homerpalooza. Those are all pretty cool (I use the word lightly) pieces of television memorabilia. But there’s a darker, crappier side to the world of items based on your favorite TV shows (and I only chose shows that people actually like–obviously “Cavemen” is going to have some subpar merchandise). Below are ten of the worst.
#10. “Married…with Children” Comic Books
In 1990, NOW Comics began publishing a series based on “Married…with Children,” the hit Fox series then in its fifth season. But NOW, which also had titles for Mr. T, Speed Racer, and the Real Ghostbusters, failed to realize the “Married…with Children” and comic book communities did NOT go together like love and marriage, which is probably why they went out of business.
#9. The Wit and Wisdom of Archie Bunker
“Watch out for the gays.”
“Julia” was one of the first TV shows to star an African-American actress, and in a misguided attempt at color equality, NBC released a coloring book, presumably in an effort to prove to children (who didn’t watch the show) that black’s no different than Midnight Blue or Thistle. According to the item’s seller: “About 1/5 of the pages have been colored on.” No word on whether there’s a jumble and if the answer is “fries.”
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/679/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/shatner1-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Uts6AC4-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/star_trek_into_darkness-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-robot-chicken-team-made-a-couch-gag-for-the-simpsons2-150x150.jpg)
How could you not include anything Charlie Sheen related?
*finishes reading*
Oh, um, good list.
The Seinfeld statuette looks like Busey with dyed hair.
Landry Clarke lead pipe…. I’d buy one. Or anything Landry related… next to Riggins, and Saracen he got the most tail on the show…
I see a little bit of Vince McMahon in the Seinfeld statuette
The Seinfeld figurine is bad – but I WOULD buy a Fusilli Jerry.
“Set Phasers to Stunning” only works if you say it with a lisp and make finger snaps.
The Seinfeld statuette looks like Busey with dyed hair.
I was going to say Ben Stiller with an overbite, but yeah, this is your winner.
I was going to go with a young Ron Perlman, but I can see Busey too.
Seinfeld statuette is Dice Clay. Oh!
I see Winkler. Break out the Fonz cat
The Seinfeld statue is a bit of Garry Shandling and a lot of never feeling like I’m not being stalked by an unnamed horror.
[thisiswhyitsucks.com]
I’m gonna going with the Dice Man, too.
To make up for my typo in the previous comment, I’ll regale you all with a story once told by Mr. Clay, real name Andrew Clay Silverstein:
Lets say you’re fuckin’, lets say you’re fuckin’, I dunno, you’re fuckin’ dog style right. Lets say you’re fuckin’ dog style, and the chick gets pregnant. I mean, uhhhhh would the kid pop out backwards? I dunno. I saw a girl walkin’ around the street with a big hump on her back and I said, “Eh, youz fuckin’ dog style right?”
I gotta say, the Beavis and Butthead game is solid. Stop the hate!
The Random Simpson’s Action Figures will probably be the ones that are worth the most in 20 years, so I don’t think they should be on this list for that reason alone.
Also, that Beavis & Butthead game was awesome! (until I played it 2 years ago when my bro bought a SNES on eBay, that game didn’t age very well)
I got one of the Simpsons Vinylmation mystery boxes and was disappointed when I got a main character (Bart) when there were so many random characters I’d rather have (like my brother got Snake). I’d opt for the random characters rather than the family any day.
/this comes from a person who owns novels based on Saved by the Bell and Degrassi Junior High.
The statue looks like whoever the person looking at it wants it to look like.
I got to say that Seinfeld statue looks like Joe Piscapo from that weird movie where he is a cop, and then turns into a zombie, then he becomes, as we all hoped, Zombie Cop.
I got to get out more.
The Beavis and Butthead game was actually pretty bad ass!
I see a bit of Fonzie in the statue.
If there was a bit more in the jaw then I’d go with Robert Z’Dar.
The Seinfeld doll looks like Andrew Dice Clay
I have three of those things.
One time I bought a Steve Irwin swim set…..
Ted Danson with dark hair/eyes.
Hahaha! A Judge Snyder doll??
Number 1? What kind of stupid wiener name is that?
Like Shatner was ever that ripped. And ” Star Trek ” cologne ? C’mon, it obviously reeks of loneliness and desperation. (I”m guessing Mt. Dew, Ice Cream and pop corn for all those nights solo. Oh and a whiff of fap lotion)
@xander
You are kidding, right? That is a great episode of the simpsons. It explains why they call him “Number One”
That Seinfeld inaction figure looks like either something Goebbles would have air-dropped or something sold to people to keep Kazakhstanians out of their refrigerator.
looks like Homeless Voiceover Guy from Cleveland