The Real World Las Vegas (MTV) — Season premiere. The show returns to Vegas for the first time since 2002, which is more or less when MTV stopped casting people with talent and ambition, and instead just gave a bunch of alcohol to attractive, volatile people. (Side note: Complex made a list of the 25 hottest women from “The Real World,” but you shouldn’t trust it because it has Rachel Campos from L.A. on it, but no Julie from the first season. CRIMINAL.)
Justified (FX) — I thought last week’s episode was weak, but at least it laid the framework for what looks Boyd Crowder’s return to the wrong side of the law tonight.
Charlie Sheen’s Winningest Moments (Spike) — Ahhh, well played, Spike TV. What’s more of a winning moment: holding a knife to his wife’s throat, or shooting his fiancée?
American Idol (Fox) — Stop watching this show, America. I beg you. Go ahead and watch all the CBS crime procedurals and MTV reality shows and TLC freaks you want, but please: stop indulging this bloated karaoke competition. I just want it to go away.
Hoarding: Buried Alive (TLC) — TLC, obviously angry at the success of A&E’s “Hoarders,” makes a move at getting in on the freaky “Hoarders” action.