‘Law & Order: C.I.’ Making Episode Based on Spider-Man Musical Injuries

The excess of cast injuries and woeful mismanagement from Broadway’s Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark has been well-covered on both Gamma Squad and FilmDrunk, but now the disaster is coming to your TV: “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” will base one of its episodes this season around the troubled musical. The news comes TV Line’s Michael Ausiello, whose write-up is so breathlessly idiotic that it’s barely recognizable as English, so here’s a helpful translation from RoboPanda:

“Law & Order: CI” will have an episode where an actor dies under suspicious circumstances during a failed stunt on the set of a musical called Icarus. The play is directed by a “high-strung and larger-than-life” woman who falls off the wagon, and it’s composed by a bisexual rock-star named “Arno” who is secretly cheating on his wife with a male colleague. So they’re like Julie Taymor and Bono, except with funner vices, probably.

I dunno, I’m just not seeing the parallels — it’s a little too subtle for my tastes. Couldn’t they have called the musical Arachnid-Guy: Turn on the Lights?

Anyway, seeing as how “L&O:CI” is close to cancellation, this seems like a good time for a spinoff: “Law & Order: Broadway Safety Inspectors.” Basically the two main characters go around making sure that the mattresses underneath trap doors are sufficiently soft, and they talk to a lot of gay guys along the way. Don’t laugh, I just described half the shows on Bravo.