More Like ‘Game of Owns’

The Internet is awash with recaps of last night’s “Game of Thrones” premiere. And with those recaps come the tedious explanations of the show’s staggeringly large cast of characters, as well as a lengthy recounting of the exposition that sets the table for action. I have no interest in doing that, and so I bring you JUST THE BADASS PARTS.

  • Butchered corpses, including a little girl nailed to a tree (but it’s okay, she’s actually a snow zombie).
  • Two decapitations.
  • All sorts of topless women. So. Many. Titties. I’m not talking just a little bit of sex here and there, but entire scenes with nude actresses and long, lingering shots of boobs. (Some reviewers actually have the temerity to think this is a bad thing.)
  • A dwarf getting a BJ, then upping it to an orgy with four hookers.
  • Graphic disemboweling. The intestines actually FLEW AT THE CAMERA. F’n sweet.
  • Incest between twins: TWINCEST!
  • The defenestration of a ten-year-old child:

  • Something for the ladies:
  • This guy’s facial hair:
  • Puppies!

Awwwwww, puppies make everything better. Even getting pushed out of a tower window.

I can’t wait for next week. HBO sent out the first six episodes for screening, and the general consensus is that the pilot is actually the weakest of the bunch. NICE.

(screencaps via)

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