ABC Cancels Crappy Shows, Picks Up New Ones

Safety first!

Okay, now that Fox has canceled a bunch of its shows and NBC’s fall lineup is starting to solidify, it’s time to get the update for ABC’s stack of pilots. The Disney-owned network has picked up several pilots, including the faaaaaabuluth “Charlie’s Angels” remake and “Pan Am,” the ’60s-era series that will star Christina Ricci as a fine-ass Beatnik stewardess. Other pickups include:

• Untitled Tim Allen sitcom co-starring Nancy Travis. “The project centers on the former Home Improvement star, who is fighting for his manhood in a world increasingly dominated by women.” [THR]
• “Apartment 23.” A single-camera comedy about a Midwestern girl who moves to New York City and ends up with a lousy roommate. James Van Der Beek co-stars as himself; the pilot has tested well and generated nothing but positive buzz.
• “Good Christian Bitches.” A soap that will get retitled “Good Christian Belles,” starring Leslie Bibb, Kristen Chenoweth, and Annie Potts.

Vulture has a couple more, but I want to get to the fun part: the canceled shows!

• “V”
• “Brothers and Sisters”
• “Off the Map”
• “No Ordinary Family”
• “Detroit 1-8-7″

“Mr. Sunshine,” which got solid ratings following “Modern Family” and was generally well-received, has also been canceled, with star Matthew Perry headed back to rehab. Good luck, Matthew! Prescription pills can be a tough habit to break. So if you have any extra Vicodin or Oxycontin or whatever, I’d be happy to get rid of them for you. I’ll just flush them. Down my throat. With scotch.