CBS is truly the perfect network for Warming Glow readers. Because the median age for blog readers is 58, CBS’s lineup of straightforward crime procedurals and unchallenging multicamera sitcoms shot in front of a live studio audience is just like candy for people who are unaware that other channels exist. Like hard, Werther’s original candy.
CBS unveiled its new schedule this morning, with notable time shifts for “CSI” (it moves to Wednesdays) and “The Good Wife” (moving to Sundays). You’ll also see the intriguing new shows in boldface. This list is completely serious and I changed nothing at all. I wouldn’t DARE tamper with anything as serious as new CBS shows.
MONDAY
8:00-8:30 How I Met Your Mother
8:30-9:00 Oh No You Didn’t!
9:00-9:30 Two and a Half Men
9:30-10:00 Mike & Molly
10:00-11:00 Hawaii Five-0
TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 NCIS
9:00-10:00 NCIS: Los Angeles
10:00-11:00 NCIS: Miami
WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 Survivor: South Pacific
9:00-10:00 Criminal Minds
10:00-11:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (new time)
THURSDAY
8:00-8:30 The Big Bang Theory
8:30-9:00 Sassytown
9:00-10:00 Survivor: North Korea
10:00-11:00 The Mentalist
FRIDAY
8:00-9:00 Hawaii Five-0: Molokai
9:00-10:00 CSI: NY
10:00-11:00 Blue Bloods
SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 Rules of Engagement (new time)
8:30-9:00 Farts My Dad Has
9:00-10:00 Hawaii Five-0: Los Angeles
10:00-11:00 60 Minutes: CSI
SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 60 Minutes
8:00-9:00 The Amazing Race
9:00-10:00 The Good Wife (new time)
10:00-11:00 CSI: Miami
Okay, so maybe there was a little tampering. You can see the real schedule with new show descriptions here. It might be worth giving a chance to “Person of Interest” — the new drama from J.J. Abrams that inherited “CSI’s” coveted 9-10 p.m. slot on Thursdays. It stars Jim Caviezel and Michael Emerson (Benjamin Linus from “Lost”) as “an ex-CIA agent and a billionaire who team to stop crimes.” Someone who worked on the pilot wrote this to me last month:
Person of Interest is just about to wrap in NYC and is looking f*cking awesome. I usually judge somethings badassness by counting the numberof people who get shot in the knee caps, and let’s just say a lot of bad guys have trouble walking after the pilot ends.
Hmmm, I might actually have to find out where CBS is on my cable box.
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Needs more NCIS and CIS’s.
Who is watching CBS? The 46 year old woman I work with, her husband and her 15 year-old daughter. She mentioned the shows her family likes to watch and I swear all of them were on CBS.
And furthermore, FUCK THE AFC!
My favourite old person candy is Bridge Mixture
I just hope that ‘Oh No You Didn’t!’ can live up to it’s predecessor ‘Talk To The Hand’
“How I Met Your Mother: Las Vegas”
THE TWIST IS THAT SHE WAS A PROSTITUTE!
OMG. Benjamin Linus…AND JESUS H. CHRIST! TOGETHER?!?
CBS should just make one long reality crime procedural and air it 3 hours per night. It could be about real life crime scene investigators stuck on an island in the south pacific who solve crimes by eating bugs as Andy Rooney provides commentary.
Is “Hawaii Five-0: Molokai” an adaptation of “Leper in the Backfield”?
Needs more 48 Hours Mystery. Keith Morrison’s warbling has been shown to be as effective as ACE inhibitors in double blind studies on the blood pressure of sedentary adults.
CBS is obviously one of the better networks, seeing as how The Good Wife is the accepted successor to The Wire. Oh, AV Club…
IS NCIS:Miami a typo of some sort?
I’m glad someone else saw that, 0tarin. Thought I was having hallucinations.
Sad, lame hallucinations.
Yes! I’d seriously tune into Christ & the Spooky Guy.
But only if Hurley is one of the apostles.
While I want to support Micheal Emerson, I’m not sure I can ever forgive Jim Caviezel the abomonation that was The Count of Monte Cristo. Such good source material just … ruined.
I made the mistake of getting excited about “How to Be a Gentleman,” (swapped out for “Sassytown”) after hearing it stars Dave Foley, Rickety Cricket, Murray from Conchords and Mary Lynn Rajskub.
But then I read a description and, surprise! It sounds retarded!
Does CBS acknowledge Area 51 exists?
Surprised that the other comedies from the producers of Oh No You Didn’t, Talk to the Hand and Don’t Go There, didn’t make the cut.
Seriously though- everyone I work with watches CBS- its soul crushing just being around them. Not one person has even seen community or archer. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going the restaurant where I know I won’t get caught drinking at lunch.
You can say “strip club” here, chazz.
“The Good Wife” a worthy successor to “The Wire?” Ummmmm, no.
Although, “The Good Wife” is the only show I watch on CBS. It’s surprisingly decent, which means it blows all other CBS shows out of the water.
/patiently waits to yell “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!”
When baby boomers finally die off, will CBS die with them?
I love the Good Wife but in no way would I ever compare it to the Wire except to point out that it’s the show that features the most Wire alums by a landslide. Suck it, SVU.
Where’s CSI: NCIS?
+1 Smello. That adaptation made me want to plot an unnecessarily elaborate but ultimately extremely satisfying revenge against all those involved.
Oh sweet! Tuesday is now officially NCIS day!
Damn it! I was hoping Survivor: North Korea was real!
@ Jack: it is. Also known as “living in North Korea.”