Things don’t feel quite right in the universe unless “Boardwalk Empire” actress Paz de la Huerta is pissing people off while her breasts desperately try to free themselves from her clothing, and I’m happy to report that everything is totally normal. De la Huerta attended a party at New York’s annoyingly chic Bowery Hotel last Thursday, where she — yep — pissed people off with her tits hanging out. The yoozh.
Showing up in a barely-there black slip dress, the actress kept having to adjust the thin straps or risk having a wardrobe malfunction (or two).
After spending time with some pals at the bar, the actress discovered that a nearby room had been set up with a couch and a huge frame to do photo shoots for guests. De la Huerta cut the long line of guests waiting to have their pictures snapped, grabbed a tiara and scepter from the props and proceeded to spread out on the couch where the pictures were being taken.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she snapped at the photographer, who offered suggestions to the star.
She quickly overstayed her welcome on the couch, however, grinding and rolling around while making faces and adjusting her hemline as a crowd gathered. The actress then pulled a girlfriend to the couch for a steamy girl-on-girl kiss, refusing to leave when lined-up guests began to get irritated.
Then as suddenly as she had appeared, she’d had enough and two pals helped her off stage with her dress strap hanging down. [E!; image via]
I can’t read about Paz’s unhinged nightlife (hello, assault charges) without seeing her in a Dungeons & Dragons alignment matrix. Paz de la Huerta is Chaotic Evil: wholly self-serving, in constant need of attention, prone to fits of rage, usually braless, and perpetually 30 seconds away from having sex in public. She’s a supervirus, a penicillin-resistant version of every horrible girlfriend you’ve stayed with for the mind-blowing sex. And I love her for it.
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Matt, please write in to the mailbag in three years when she starts beating you to ask for advice.
JESUS! This chick is a walking party. Bet she has three ways in airplane bathrooms and smokes pot at a four year old’s birthday party, then does it with the birthday clown for rent money.
I can’t NOT be turned on by her.
Oh Paz…imagine if she was in a movie with Alison Brie – BOOM! Warming Glow explosion!
If the Beatles had written a song about her in 1965, they would have made Ringo sing it.
She’s a human honey badger. I bet she could get bitten by a snake, pass out, and then pop right back up and start partying again.
And I’m kind of afraid of her.
Just curious Matt: Paz or Mary-Louise Parker?
“The actress then pulled a girlfriend to the couch for a steamy girl-on-girl kiss,”
Please let there be pictures.
…every horrible girlfriend you’ve stayed with for the mind-blowing sex.
People who read this blog have had girlfriends… and sex?
She’s like the overlap in a Venn diagram between “Whore” and “Attention Whore.” It’s a sweet spot we call “the Paris Hilton.”
People who read this blog have had girlfriends… and sex?
DURR HURR PARENTS BASEMENT
Wow, Steven Tyler looks terrible!
Oof, that’s a real butterface picture.
Excuse me, but I live in my girlfriend’s basement, thank you very much. It’s more of a sex dungeon, actually. I’m using my one free hand to type this comment. I’m also a superhero by night and a wizard by day. In conclusion…
SEX CAULDRON?! I thought they closed that place down.
“People who read this blog have had girlfriends… and sex?”
I’ll have you know I’m married, good sir.
/So no, I’m not getting any sex.
Patty, that’s good but you forgot the honey badger likes to kill lions by running underneath and using their huge claws to rip the testicles off the daddy lions. That’s totally Paz.
The only way your analogy doesn’t work is the fact that honey badgers are cute. Scary but cute. Paz is just scary.
Ok, I thought she was hot on Boardwalk but that header pic looks like a male SNL cast member doing a bad impression of her. She’s not even a butterface. She’s more like a buthellnobecauseofherface.
Yeah, that last line made more sense in my head.
Paz is only using her acting career to get into the porn industry.
I don’t know, she sounds more annoying than “walking party” to me. Cutting in line? Rude. Making out with girls for attention? That’s freshman-in-college-level antics, like she’s trying to impress the frat boys.
Also, I feel like the hot sex/horrible girlfriend thing is a myth. More like horrible girlfriends withhold sex as punishment, making you think the action was better than it really was.
“Horrible girlfriend” doesn’t have to mean whiny bitch that won’t let you hang out with the boys. It can also mean the crazy bitch that uses the n-word in front of your parents, gets you kicked out of bars, and starts fights with much bigger guys for you.
I haven’t watched Boardwalk Empire yet (I know!), but whenever I hear about Paz, I get a boner, but then I see her and I wonder if I’m seeing a still from To Wong Foo.
I can’t understand how she is so hot in BWE but so damn ugly for reals. I’d still hit it for the crazy though
Again, I guess they’ll need a Paz de Spenser….
/sorry