Hef’s Runaway Bride (Lifetime) — Hugh Hefner and skittish sugar baby Crystal Harris (right) discuss the sham marriage that didn’t happen. Fascinating. Spare no detail! (Also pictured: 2010 Playmate of the Year Hope Dworaczyk).)
Web Therapy (Showtime) — Series premiere. Lisa Kudrow stars as a therapist who treats her patients via webcam. Doesn’t sound like my bag, but her guest stars/patients include the impressive roster of Courteney Cox, Jane Lynch, and Rashida Jones.
Drug Kingpin Hippos (Animal Planet) — A special about the hippopotami kept by the infamous Pablo Escobar, and how they’ve created problems in Colombia since the drug lord’s death. If I had more time, I would have made a Photoshop for this that would rival Whale Wars.
It’s Worth What? (NBC) — Series premiere. An instantly forgettable primetime game show combining “Antiques Roadshow” and “The Price Is Right.” Hosted by Cedric the Entertainer.
This Is Awkward (MTV) — Series premiere. A high school girl breaks her arm and other students gossip about it. High school! Am I right?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: USA soccer stars Hope Solo and Abby Wambach will be on Letterman after Steve Carell. And man do I love me some Hope Solo. I wish more female athletes were as brash and outspoken and hot as she is. Also: Justin Timberlake and Rose Byrne on Fallon; Seth Green and Marc Maron on Conan; other people on other shows.