Hef’s Runaway Bride (Lifetime) — Hugh Hefner and skittish sugar baby Crystal Harris (right) discuss the sham marriage that didn’t happen. Fascinating. Spare no detail! (Also pictured: 2010 Playmate of the Year Hope Dworaczyk).)
Web Therapy (Showtime) — Series premiere. Lisa Kudrow stars as a therapist who treats her patients via webcam. Doesn’t sound like my bag, but her guest stars/patients include the impressive roster of Courteney Cox, Jane Lynch, and Rashida Jones.
Drug Kingpin Hippos (Animal Planet) — A special about the hippopotami kept by the infamous Pablo Escobar, and how they’ve created problems in Colombia since the drug lord’s death. If I had more time, I would have made a Photoshop for this that would rival Whale Wars.
It’s Worth What? (NBC) — Series premiere. An instantly forgettable primetime game show combining “Antiques Roadshow” and “The Price Is Right.” Hosted by Cedric the Entertainer.
This Is Awkward (MTV) — Series premiere. A high school girl breaks her arm and other students gossip about it. High school! Am I right?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: USA soccer stars Hope Solo and Abby Wambach will be on Letterman after Steve Carell. And man do I love me some Hope Solo. I wish more female athletes were as brash and outspoken and hot as she is. Also: Justin Timberlake and Rose Byrne on Fallon; Seth Green and Marc Maron on Conan; other people on other shows.
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I hope I get into whatever retirement home that guy’s in.
Pictured: Four Boobs and a diaper
Seriously though, it’s not like he was handsome when he was young. How does this dude do it?
I’m glad TV got my memo about trying to limit watchable shows until after the Bar.
Marc Maron?! Let me change out of my cross colors, pause my gin blossoms cassette and crack open a clearly canadian. I’m watching that shit.
The Hippo thing is kinda fascinating actually.
@the cursor: First you get the $, then you get the power, then you get the women, but by then you’ve got the liver spots, and you also need to get the Viagra.
Hope Solo is hot if your into Buzz Bissinger and Freda Khalo’s love child. Personally, not so much.
Drug Kingpin Hippos sounds like Hanna-Barbara on acid. Which I kinda’ would like to watch.
Hope Dworaczyk > Hope Solo. That doesn’t mean I’ll be watching Lifetime tonight, it just means I won’t be masturbating while watching Letterman (maybe).
You know the gold digging runaway bride is on the right in that picture, and Hope is on the left. The runaway whore is to Hef’s left but not the left side of the picture.
That last comment brought to you by: know it all internet asshole for no charge.
Animal Planet really dropped the ball on this one. Druggy Druggy Hippos was right under their noses.
That’s Hope on our left, and Crystal on our right. Kind of exactly opposite from what Matt states. Unless Matt is dreaming he’s Hugh Hefner again.
You guys are all wrong. I’m pretty sure Crystal belongs above the plate; forks go on the left.
You can have Hope Solo, I will take Alex Morgan anytime, anywhere
Those of you saying Hope Solo is not hot can go to hell.
/Returns to writing fan fiction involving rubber gloves.
Holy shoulders, Batman! Hope Solo is hot (and sturdy).
Jesus, those lips don’t even look human. Plastic surgeons are fucking butchers.
Drug Kingpin Hippos: i only wish they worked a poop joke into the title.
Smegga; I’d have to agree and I have a good shot at her since she’s a soccer closet leso… well, at least the movie in my head is pretty good.
Hope Solo > Han Solo
(Actually caught a little of the Runaway Hefner Bride thing last night. Had to turn it off after a few minutes, because Hef appears to have moved into the doddering stage. Actually rather sad.)
*lesbo