Biography (BIO) — Tonight’s subject: Tawny Kitaen. Frankly, I’d be happy to take the occasional beating from my woman if she writhed on the hood of my Jaguar half as well as Tawny. Also if I had a Jaguar.
Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo) — Season finale. Natalie Cole shows up to sing a duet with LuAnn, who we’re supposed to believe is a singer. Bravo is f**king terrible. I liked this channel so much better when it was fabulously gay (“Queer Eye,” “Project Runway”). Now it’s just bitchy gay.
NY Ink (TLC) — Season finale. Does anyone even watch this show? I like tattoos, and I’ve never been bored enough to sit through an episode.
Wilfred (FX) — Rashida Jones guest stars on tonight’s episode, which is supposedly just as dark as its predecessors. I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I HAVEN’T WATCHED IT THERE ARE YOU HAPPY?
Futurama (Comedy Central) — Leela becomes a kids show star. Aw, that makes me miss Xuxa.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Harrison Ford on Letterman; Emma Stone (rowr!) and “The Car Show” guys on Leno; Stephen Moyer and Bush (???) on Kimmel; Bryan Cranston on Ferguson; Hope Solo on George Lopez. What do you guys think Bush’ll play? I’m hoping for “Machinehead.”