Charlie Sheen Is Not Impressed By Your Drug Jokes

Noted street drug and hooker aficionado Charlie Sheen is set to be roasted for Comedy Central on September 19, and believe it or not, he has some opinions on the matter. It's incredible that anyone could get him to come out of his shell for an interview, but E! News did just that. Take it away, Charlie:

"There's less [cocaine] left on the planet because of me, so roast away," Sheen acknowledged, laughing. "If that's what's in store for me, then bring it," he said, agreeing that cocaine and hooker jokes would probably be "vying for first place" in terms of frequency up on the dais.

But coke cracks are "easy grabs, you know," Charlie said. "I'm challenging these geniuses to go a little bit deeper, be less obvious."

The real shame of this whole situation is that there's probably nothing anyone can say that will get to him. His ego may be the most impenetrable forcefield known to man or beast. "What's that? A joke about me beating my wife and just having a long history of violence towards women in general? You're just jealous of my lifestyle, bro." "Huh, jokes about me probably dying broke and alone in five years? Whatever. F-18." I know at the end of the day these roasts are supposed to be good-natured, but I want people to go after him. Pull no punches. Make him cry if at all possible. If anyone deserves to be brutally made fun of for an hour and have all his dirty laundry aired out on television, it's this douchecanoe.

Also, in an effort to combine all Charlie Sheen/"Two and a Half Men" news into one post so I can get it all out of the way at once, after the jump I've posted pictures of the $2 million, 53-foot trailer the show's new star Ashton Kutcher is using on the set. Because, hey, eff your house.