As “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Lost,” and countless other shows have proven, sometimes a character, often beloved, needs to die to advance the plot. And nothing furthers the story like death, unless you’re “The Killing.” On the following pages are ten characters who need to meet their maker, not because they’re bad characters (I repeat: these are NOT necessarily characters I want dead because I hate them), but because they’ve either served their purpose and need to go away or because their passing would bring on a whole new set of stories their show hasn’t been able to accomplish.
To death! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Vincent Chase, “Entourage”
I’ve voiced my complaints about “Entourage’s” douchiness before, but all (well, most) of those could be redeemed if in the show’s final episode, its star, Vincent Chase, was killed, preferably by choking to death buried in a pile of cocaine. Wishful thinking, I know, but of its many faults, the most bothersome thing about “Entourage” is its lack of real-life consequences. Vincent and his gang of awful cronies can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without any repercussions. If the star of Aquaman were to die in the closing minutes of “Entourage”’s final episode, the entire show would feel less like 2,880 minutes of bros being bros, and more like a tragedy about what happens when fame goes to your head.
[Ed. note: I'd like to see Vince get killed immediately, as the other characters might actually become somewhat interesting if they had to strike out on their own.]
Dexter Morgan, “Dexter”
Dexter Morgan is one of only two good-to-great characters on the show bearing his name. The other: his sister, Debra. Let’s say the producers of “Dexter” decide to go off the air after season seven. In the final episode of the show’s upcoming sixth season, Deb should FINALLY catch Dexter in the act (and see him), but he runs away and skips town out of Miami. It’d be great if the final 12 episodes abandoned all the awful, awful humans at Miami Metro, and spent the entire season in a “Fugitive”-like chase between Deb and Dexter. In the last episode, she finds him, leaving her with a dilemma: she can’t throw him in jail, because that’s a lackluster ending (cough “Seinfeld” cough), and she can’t pretend nothing’s happened, because she’s a good cop. What’s left? Either we find out she too has been a good serial killer all these years, or she puts an end to Dexter’s butchering ways. (I know that Deb knows about her brother’s hobby in Jeff Lindsay’s books, but the show has gone off-text before.)
Betty Draper, “Mad Men”
There are many good potential death options for “Mad Men,” with everyone from Roger Sterling to Greg Harris (anyone but Don and Trudy, really) on the chopping block. But I think the strongest choice would be Betty — not because she’s a bad character, which she isn’t, or because she’s a bad actress, which she’s not (January Jones is icy, but so is Betty). It’s because her passing (car crash!) would further the story of one of the show’s best characters, Sally Draper. My friend has a theory that the reason Sally has been acting so weird of late is because she was molested by Grandpa Gene (as opposed to Baby Gene). If Sally, who’s already in a rough place in life, were to lose her mom, it’d be fascinating to see what the writers did with her—would she run away? Live with Don? Find the original Bobby?
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In NO WAY should Andy be killed on Weeds. He’s the ONLY reason to keep watching the show. They should kill Nancy first.
All good choices, except Andy Botwin. I’d rather see him rewarded for his consistent loyalty than killed to make Nancy have to put effort into redemption. Nancy’s gotta go, dude. She’s irredeemable.
Pam and Jim from The Office in a murder/suicide.
@ UU
Yes please.
What’s all this talk of us never seeing the Governor in Walking Dead? SOURCE OR GTFO.
i think you picked the wrong sister to be killed in breaking bad…marie actually provides some comic relief as does hank with his character change of this season. skylar is just annoying as shit and just gets in walt’s way of being awesome. though, skylar has gotten a bit better this season, but still annoying as shit.
skylar has also gotten fat as shit.
/no love for preggerz
As sad as Trudy Campbell’s death would be for my
sex lifemasturbatory habits, I assume you mean Don and Peggy are the only untouchables on Mad Men.@Mr. Wilson, I can’t find the link, but a few days ago, I read somewhere that they may not use the Governor. Hopefully it’s full of shit. At least they’re planning on including Michonne.
@Jeff L, I went back and forth on the Weeds pick. I don’t think Showtime would allow Kenji to kill the main character of a comedy (unlike Dexter, where it would make more sense), and I’m honestly not sure if they should. Nancy is more deserving, but I’d love to see a showdown between her and Silas over what, or who, caused Andy’s death.
@wehavehair No, I meant Trudy. Peggy’s great and all, but come on: [2.bp.blogspot.com]
Set aside that there is no evidence that Grandpa Gene was a pervert (At least not a sex pervert. His thing for the Nazi helmet was kind of perverse) you think a cruel, emotionally-unavailable mother and an absent, philandering father who’s lived a lie his entire adult life isn’t enough to leave Sally a hot mess? You gotta add molestation into the mix?
You know, I just started watching Mad Men on the Netflix and for some reason I really want to punch that Pete Campbell in the face. I don’t know if its his smug, perfectly combed hair or the fact that he gets to tote Alison Brie around.
I wouldn’t want Jason Stackhouse to die, because he gets such endearingly dumb lines.
“You’re worse than Judas!”
“Why? What’d he do to you?”
I used to think Betty Draper was sympathetic, but I can’t stand to watch her be mean to those poor kids.
Snookie?
Creed from The Office. And it needs to be a horrifically black comic death offscreen.
Not that I dislike Creed, but a “Here Lies Creed Bratton?” episode has Chuckles the Clown-like potential.
@OWR, thanks dick.
Actually, thanks Matt or Josh for removing that comment.
I’d say that abot 75% of True Blood’s characters need to be killed off. I’ve never seen a show with so many pointless and boring character arcs.
@Josh: touche.
No way Andy dies on Weeds. I’d prefer they killed Silas or Nancy herself. Shane seems to be going about living a life of crime better than the rest. Andy is actually the only character not part of a criminal enterprise right now.
Both Dexter and True Blood go way off the reservation compared to the story lines in the books. I think Dexter’s death is necessary, but they’ll do it at the end of the series. Jason isn’t terribly important in the books, but I do feel like he adds something to the show – a necessary comic relief.
True Blood Characters to die before Jason
1. Tara
2. Tara
3. Lafayette’s boyfriend
4. Sam and his brother
5. Tara
“In the final episode of the upcoming sixth season, season six,” being the sixth season been reached, having no less than five seasons prior nor more than seven, a marked sixedness shall be observed by those noting that season six of the grand total of six seasons in the show’s existence was the very essence of sixicity.
@Tracer, Something fucked up clearly happened to Sally, and I don’t think it’s just stress from dealing with a mother like Sally and a father like Don. The fact that she’s already masturbating at the age of 10 isn’t just her way of dealing with sexual repression, but also her reacting to something that’s happened to her.
Should I mention that I never took a single psychiatry class in college, but I’ve seen a lot of Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist?
@0tarin, I possibly passive aggressively, definitely creatively thank you. Fixed.
@Roman:
Allow me to point you towards Dexter. As Josh correctly points out, 90% of the characters in the show are boring as hell (and not because they’re poor actors, as they’ve demonstrated elsewhere), yet they keep getting arcs to themselves.
Ron Jaworski.
What?
Josh, that’s two straight weeks of writing shitty articles. Just sayin’.
John Gruden.
Exactly.
Masturbating at 10 isn’t all that strange according to all the Japanese comics I read. Besides, she’s got a weird relationship with her parents and a weird relationship with that oddball Glen. And, I reiterate, they’ve never shown anything to suggest she was molested. She wasn’t afraid of her grandfather. In fact, she was mad at her mother because Betty wasn’t more upset when Gene died.
We should just kill Glee…period.
Vincent Chase dying would be a great way to turn around the show. I’ve said from day one that Dexter needs to die at the end of that show’s run, but Andy?! At first I said no way, but after reading your explanation I completely agree. Having Nancy gone would be good, but she’s the whole point of the show. Andy dying would completely turn it around.
Seconded for cast of “Glee.” I’ve never watched it, but just knowing that it exists irks the hell out of me.
And if Jim and Pam died (horrible, horrible. much deserved deaths), then maybe I could stand to watch “The Office” again.
Finally, please kill Rich on “Community.” He’s so GD annoying – though I know that is the point of the character.
Finally (Part 2), kill Seasons 10+ of “The Simpsons.”
I just paid $ 24,86 for an iPad2~64GB and my girlfriend loves her Panasanic GF 1 Camera that we got for $ 40,32 there arriving tomorrow by UPS. I will never pay such expensive retail prices in stores again. Especially when I also sold a 42 inch L.E.D TV to my boss for $ 672 which only cost me $ 73,14 to buy. Here is the website we use to get it all from, CentBite. com
porky1: Please leave Jaws alone. Because, obviously, Chris Berman has to die first.
Dexter’s sister Debra is one of the most annoying characters on television. Probably because Michael C. Hall’s now ex-wife is a terrible actress. The only death that will save that show is cancellation.
Jerry for Parks and Rec. The whole make fun of Jerry bit is getting old so much that it seems forced, and he even said he was supposed to be gone by now due to his retirement and collecting pension.
I think losing her grandfather was devastating enough. They had become close recently, and he was the only adult in her family that hadn’t let her down.
What about Tommy Gavin?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s about a million things that can cause a kid to masturbate at an abnormally early age; brain disorders that mess up priorities and stimuli reactions (such as ADHD and early-onset schizophrenia) once in a while have it as a symptom.
But yeah, something’s messed up in there.
True Blood is based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels, that’s why Jason won’t die, and the title of this article gives away the spoiler for the Walking Dead; which I’ve read so I don’t personally care. How do you not include Tommy Gavin from Rescue Me on this list? This whole list is garbage, the writers for Dexter are laughing their tails off.
how the fuck do you want to kill jason stackhouse and andy botwin? Tara needs to be murdered and andy is the only enjoyable character still left on weeds. Also Deb on Dexter needs to be killed
@mike v, Tara is an awful character (I included her on my list of the worst characters on the best shows), but her death wouldn’t really help the show along. It’d just be, “Oh well, I guess Tara’s gone. Whatevs.” If Jason, who I’ll state once again that I like, were to go, a whole series of plots would open up.
What a great article! I got one more to add, how about Chief Webber on Grey’s Anatomy. The character has been pretty one dimensional
Charlie from 2 and a Half Men!
Andy from “Parks & Rec.”
Long time listener first time caller. I was going to say Ava if she wasn’t mentioned, but not quite for the reasons you said. Remember how batshit pissed Boyd was in Bloody Harlan when he realized he couldn’t kill Dickie? Just imagine a whole season of that badassery if Ava kicks the bucket.
What if Tommy Gavin dies? Or better yet, what if the last 7 seasons were a dream, Tommy died in 9/11 and Jimmy lived and in the very last episode we see the differences in how Jimmy would have spent the last 10 years and how everyone’s lives were different?
Burn them all!! Burn them all!
C’mon, you missed the obvious one. Ted, on HIMYM. And the mind-blowing twist is that him talking to his kids is really HIM ROTTING IN PURGATORY FOR BEING SUCH A WHINY BITCH HIS WHOLE LIFE!
I’d rather see Abe than Mr. Burns. Although the thought of unemployment has its upside. Or, hmmm, Smithers in charge of the power plant? Just sayin’.
I just paid $21.87 for an iPad 2-64GB and my girlfriend loves her Panasonic Lumix GF 1 Camera that we got for $38.76 there arriving tomorrow by UPS. I will never pay such expensive retail prices in stores again. Especially when I also sold a 40 inch LED TV to my boss for $657 which only cost me $62.81 to buy. Here is the website we use to get it all from, [bit.ly]
Tara, Sooki and Bill all should get axed from True Blood. They are all missing charisma.
WTF? really?… Dexter.. go fuck yourself with a rusty spoon, ya jeck off.
Up to the Mr.Burns entry I suspected the writer was full of shit. Listing Mr.Burns confirmed it.
I just paid $ 24 for an iPad2~64GB and my girlfriend loves her Panasanic GF 1 Camera that we got for $ 40 there arriving tomorrow by UPS. I will never pay such expensive retail prices in stores again. Especially when I also sold a 42 inch L.E.D TV to my boss for $ 672 which only cost me $ 73,14 to buy. Here is the website we use to get it all from, [to.ly]
Walking Dead Spoilers:
Yeah, I prefer how Shane was handled in the book, esp. in regards to the pregnancy because you never know (and never do thanks to what happens to Lori) if it was Shane or Rick’s. I guess TV spacing being what it is they made some adjustments. Also, if the Govenor shows up, he’ll be toned down a tad I’d imagine.
Deb is not only the worst character on Dexter, she’s the worst character of all time.
Jason from True Blood seriously? He’s a lot more interesting than Tara. I agree that his storyline in s3 sucked, but I’m liking the new relationship he’s forming with Jessica and the fact that he might turn into a werepanther. Also he gets some funny one liners. Tara is insanely dull. Her character is either getting constantly abused or is constantly whining. She drags the show down and takes time away from the more interesting characters. Jayne Lynch provides the comedic scenes on Glee and is one of their most talented actresses. I agree about Marie on Breaking Bad though. She adds nothing to the show.
I still think The Simpsons is great. Although maybe they can kill off Disco Stu or something.
Picking Jason to die before Tara on True Blood? I’m afraid that throws your qualifications into question.
They could kill Tara on every episode and I wouldn’t be satisfied.
Josh, i stopped reading ur bull when u got to dexter. Debra is a shitty character on Dexter who sucks up too much time in any scene that doesnt involve dexter. she’s been the sceond most annoying character on the show, aside from rida who was killed offf(thatnk god).
Your attempt at guessing an end to Dexter is awful and would ruin the entire series, making it just an average show.
Almost any other character on the show is more entertaining that Debra, perhaps other than Rita’s kids,the Luiteniant ,and her mexican husband.
I do agree that Dexter and his sis will ultimatley be the final showdown….it has to be and yes I think Dexter will end up on the end confessing to his sister. The question is will she reveal him and will he reveal that he has been a step ahead of the Miami PD for years.
No way should Stackhouse be killed off on True Blood. I do agree that some of his plots have been pretty lame since the Fellow ship of the sun but I think they are leading up to something for him. It would be cool if he became a type of mercenary or monster hunter like Jack Brooks. He is pretty bad ass and I hope they use him for something BIGGER.
Does anyone but me not give a rat’s ass about any of these crappy shows?
I hate Gabe from the Office, Andy should push him out a window! Gabe just keeps cock blocking Andy!
I haven’t seen all of the shows you’ve included on this list, but Dexter Morgan and Andy Botwin? Really? Dexter without Dexter? Aside from the fact that he is one of the more intriguing characters on that show, I think having his wife killed off was a good enough choice. Not only was she annoying, but it also helps develop Dexter’s character too.
And Andy? Someone has already made the point that he’s one of the few reasons to keep watching Weeds. In my opinion, he’s one of the few characters that have actually carried the show since about season 3 (or maybe 4… whenever Nancy hooks up with Esteban and the majority of the dark humor in the show was put on the back burner and replaced with fairly aggravating drama).
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE kill Jason Stackhouse. Ok, Ryan Kwanten is really hot, but the character is completely annoiyng, absolutely boring, with the most awful storylines imaginable ever. He completely kills the show when he appears. Too I don’t think Shane from Walking Dead should be alive yet, either. He should’ve died already.
Show is already over now but I would have enjoyed Weeds a whole lot more without Shane or Andy Botwin. I had to bear it just because I liked the other actors and story so much. But I can not believe they Andy and Shane on for such a long time. Now He is on animal practice, oh well doesn’t look good so I wont be watching it. I am so angry for them making me watch either of them.
I wish they got rid of Bill on Trueblood. Other than that I absolutely love the show.