Watch out, America: “Dancing with the Stars” just got c*nty. The new cast for Season 13 of ABC’s reality hit has been released, and the judgmental bitch whose venom made Casey Anthony a sympathetic case is one of the contestants. I’m sure people will tune in just to see what it looks like when Grace tries to twist her anger hole into a smile.
The rest of the cast is intriguing as well:
Clockwise from top left:
- Kristin Cavallari, former reality star recently dumped by Bears quarterback Jay Cutler.
- Ron Artest, NBA star and noted head case.
- Ricki Lake, person from a previous decade.
- David Arquette, weird person.
- Chynna Phillips, the hot one in Wilson Phillips.
- Carson Kressley, prominent homosexual.
- Chaz Bono, former woman.
- Hope Solo, brash goalkeeper for the U.S. women’s soccer team and light of my life.
- J.R. Martinez (NOT Seal), “All My Children” actor who was severely burned in a Humvee while serving as an infantryman in Iraq.
- Elisabetta Canalis, Italian actress and George Clooney dump-ee.
- Satan.
- Ron Kardashian, probably a douchebag.
I have to say, I kind of like this cast. With the possible exception of Ricki Lake, there’s no likable fat chick or wholesome dorky idiot that dumpy Midwestern wives are going to gravitate to. And who knows, maybe Ron Artest will flip out and punch Nancy Grace. Now THAT would be worth a season-long suspension.
(cast photo compilation via E!)
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My money is on Satan to mysteriously not be voted off until late in the season. But I’ll never actually see it happen, I’ll just read about it here. How does that make you feel?
I dunno, if I were a NBA GM and the lockout doesn’t end the league, then I’d pay a shitpile of money to Artest if he cold-cocked that shrill racist bitch.
I’m betting on Carson the gay guy. Especially if they pair him with a male dancer. Be like 12 weeks of “The Birdcage”.
Sigh. I can remember when Chas Bono was a “likable fat chick.”
the order you listed the contestants made me get chaz bono and ron kardashian mixed up.. and that made it even funnier
Season THIRTEEN? What? I don’t think they should be able to call them “seasons” in TV if they happen more than once per year. This is only like the 4th year this crapbag has been on, right?
Also: WHY ARE THE KARDASHIANS FAMOUS? I realize you could get lost in the fat one’s ass and the other one’s pretty hot (right? I don’t know), but that’s about it. Right? They’re just famous for being famous, I think. I’m at least as interesting as they are (read: 1% interesting) and they have millions for this? The world sucks.
Anger hole is a fantastic term.
Ricki Lake…
This is not the 90′s. Is she still relevant? Why is she even there? Are they hoping she gains some weight so people from the mid-west will like her?
So who does Chaz get paired with, chick or dude? Or is there a transmorgified pro dancer it will get paired with?
I’m hoping for an incident similar to the Colorado State Tap Dancing Championship, only with Artest in the Butters role and Nancy Grace in all the victim roles.
Where’s the threat like last time to jealous Midwestern stay at home wives to not vote off Elisabetta Canalis or Hope Solo?
wait… which one is Chaz Bono and which one is Rikki Lake?
Danger Guerrero needs to start taking dancing lessons so he can be paired with the love of his life, Nancy Grace.
Every day he’ll report to us about dancing lessons with her, pretending to have the same views, condemning gay marriage and sex or whatever. Then they win, and just as she lifts the trophy (they get a trophy right?), he pulls out a shotgun (not his penis) and shoots her face off.
America rejoices, Danger is awarded the Medal of Honor, and Tiffany Thiessen leaves her husband to be with DG so she can be his permanent Kelly Kapowski GIF.
Damn, I thought for a second that the top right might have been Scott Thompson, for whom I might have actually watched the show. Guess I’ll be satisfied with watching awful Nancy Grace dancing highlights on The Soup.
Am I the only one hoping someone gets replaced by Casey Anthony?
I blame my girlfriend for the fact I know that it’s ROB Kardashian and not RON. I now feel less bad about the time I accidentally elbowed her in the face.
13 SEASONS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? However I am really glad that I don’t recognize most of those people. I intentionally skipped over the list identifying who they were so that I will never have to know.
Elisabetta Canalis is making her second appearance on an American reality show, she previously appeared in “Shagging the Stars”
“This is not the 90′s. Is she still relevant? Why is she even there? ”
Are any of these people “relevant”? A nuclear bomb could hit the taping of this show, and society would not miss a beat.
I’m hoping one of the stars not named Nancy Grace leaves before the show and they get Casey Anthony. I still wouldn’t watch this (probably) steaming pile of shit, but I’d read about it!
A nuclear bomb could land anywhere in the Unites States, and our society would be back to drinking Starbucks, watching reality television and ignoring our children within a week. God Bless us. Each and every one.
Watching for Hope Solo.
And praying to god that Nancy Grace falls on her face.
And by watch wait for pics to be posted on this site
Chaz seems like a cool dude. He should be paired with a girl. He likes girls, so that makes him straight, right?
Maybe now Nancy will find out who the real most hated women in America is!
If everyone always referred to Nancy Grace as “Tot Mom,” that would me the happiest little boy in all of Bitchtown.
I think Chaz Bono will probably be paired with… him/herself! The only contestant who can dance the Tango solo!
I think they should have made “Nancy Grace” dance with one of those Duke LaCrosse guys she had convicted before they were aquitted!!!LOL
@dawnstar I
Agree (she is now the UGLY “double tot mom”!!!)