Outrageous Kid Parties (TLC) – In tonight’s two-part premiere, a mother spends $30,000 on a Willy Wonka themed, pre-school graduation party. I hate that last sentence so much. This show makes “Sweet Sixteen” look like “The Wire.” (Video and more details here.)
Rescue Me (FX) – OW-AH FI-AHS AHHH MORE DANGE-AH-ROUS AND SEXY THAN YOUR-AH FI-AHS!
Royal Pains (USA) – I’ve watched this show like six or seven times, and I’m firmly convinced that the main character’s brother is one of the most annoying characters on television. It’s a miracle he doesn’t get punched in every episode.
Bedbug Apocalypse (Animal Planet) – No thank you very much to this entire piece of business, Animal Planet. More cute animals, please.
Pint-Sized Preachers (Nat Geo) – On tonight’s episode, a 4-year-old preacher is profiled. Yeesh. If I was a preacher at age 4, most of my sermons would have been about candy and what a dootyhead my brother was.
Love in the Wild (ABC) – Network TV is an absolute wasteland right now. And I’m the guy who just wrote blurbs on some of the crappiest cable shows you could ever imagine, so you KNOW I must be serious.
Conan/Kimmel (TBS/ABC) – Most of the late-night shows are in reruns this weeks, but Conan and Kimmel are new, with guests Paul Rudd and Joel McHale, respectively. That’s right, two of my mancrushes are on TV tonight. If anyone needs me, I’ll be drinking red wine and swooning.
After the jump, my favorite Paul Rudd GIF.