What’s on Tonight: ‘Death Valley’

Death Valley (MTV) — Series premiere. I wrote about this horror-comedy about cops hunting zombies/vampires/werewolves back when the comely Tania Raymonde and Caity Lotz were cast, and judging from some of the clips I’ve seen, I have to admit that this doesn’t look terrible (watch the trailer below). Even the hoity-toity New York Times said it was okay. Way to exceed my nonexistent expectations, MTV.

Ridiculousness (MTV) — Series premiere. Basically, MTV took “Tosh.0″ and replaced “talented comedian host” with “obnoxious skateboarder” (Rob Dyrdek). I have come to expect nothing less of MTV.

Cuff’d (MTV) — Series premiere. Think of it as “Taxicab Confessions,” except with arrested teenagers instead of people riding in cabs. I like the idea of teenagers being arrested, but I’d like it better if it included a little police brutality. Especially if the teenagers are doing something especially offensive, like loitering or wearing their hair long.

Carfellas (Discovery) — Series premiere. Ex-convicts try to sell cars. Great, because car salesmen have such a great reputation for their ironclad morals.

Basketball Wives LA (VH1) — Series premiere. The show features Jackie Christie — notorious for keeping husband Doug’s testicles in her purse — which may be all the information I need to give this a little of my attention.

Hoarders (A&E) — Season finale. Season 4 ends with some of the most memorable cases, including the skin-crawling case of Glen, the guy who moved into an adjacent shed because his house was taken over by the thousands of rats he hoarded.