Jersey Shore (MTV) — Season premiere. Even though everything that happens this season (Snooki’s car accident, The Situation getting punched) was already covered in the gossip news cycle months ago, there’s nothing quite like witnessing the Guidos in action. I expect to get through two, maybe even three episodes this season.
Louie (FX) — Dane Cook guest stars on tonight’s episode, and it’s kind of a huge deal considering that it’s widely accepted that Cook lifted at least three of his past jokes from C.K.’s act. I’d like to tell you more about what to expect, but I didn’t watch my screener because some commenters got pissy the last time I talked about seeing episodes in advance. So be sure to thank commenters “jack,” “MBF,” and “Ashlar” for their valuable contribution in making this website less informative. Those guys should get together and run their own blog. Great vision.
Shark City (Discovery) — We built this city! We built this city on fins and teeth! Built this city! We built this city on FINS ANNND TEEEEEEEETH!
Project Runway (Lifetime) — Heidi Klum is 38 years old and has four kids, and she looks like this in a bikini. I think that’s a completely fair expectation of all women.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Colin Farrell on Letterman; Roseanne Barr and Jason Momoa (DROGO!) on Leno; Jeremy Piven on Kimmel; Ryan Reynolds on Fallon; Anthony Bourdain on Colbert; and Jason Bateman on Conan.