Jersey Shore (MTV) — Season premiere. Even though everything that happens this season (Snooki’s car accident, The Situation getting punched) was already covered in the gossip news cycle months ago, there’s nothing quite like 
witnessing the Guidos in action. I expect to get through two, maybe even three episodes this season.
Louie (FX) — Dane Cook guest stars on tonight’s episode, and it’s kind of a huge deal considering that it’s widely accepted that Cook lifted at least three of his past jokes from C.K.’s act. I’d like to tell you more about what to expect, but I didn’t watch my screener because some commenters got pissy the last time I talked about seeing episodes in advance. So be sure to thank commenters “jack,” “MBF,” and “Ashlar” for their valuable contribution in making this website less informative. Those guys should get together and run their own blog. Great vision.
Shark City (Discovery) — We built this city! We built this city on fins and teeth! Built this city! We built this city on FINS ANNND TEEEEEEEETH!
Project Runway (Lifetime) — Heidi Klum is 38 years old and has four kids, and she looks like this in a bikini. I think that’s a completely fair expectation of all women.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Colin Farrell on Letterman; Roseanne Barr and Jason Momoa (DROGO!) on Leno; Jeremy Piven on Kimmel; Ryan Reynolds on Fallon; Anthony Bourdain on Colbert; and Jason Bateman on Conan.
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hey no offense but your mad is showing.
a real og blogger would just say “thx 4 the traffic” and move on and continue his bloggin day.
you’re hung up on my post weeks later.
chill out.
your blog is nice.
just dont be no bitch bout it.
People are so concerned about spoilers that they don’t even want writers to watch screeners now, lest they subtly hint at storylines in a preview listicle? Kill yourself, internet.
I think we should all pitch in and get jack an education. That, or a push broom rebristling.
Hey jack, your wannabe ghetto douche is showing. Og blogger? Are you fucking serious?
“og blogger” is one of the dumbest things I have heard today.
What are the odds Drogo cuts off Leno’s head?
also, ever.
This is the very first interaction I learned between blogger and commenter:
Commenter: This sucks.
Blogger: Fuck you.
Commenter: Why are you so sensitive? All I did was thoughtlessly insult your work.
I will always and forever tell commenters “Fuck you.” Don’t be a bitch about it.
And thank you for the traffic.
No women as late night guests tonight? Yes, I did see Roseanne’s name, question still applies.
Sexist bastards.
You tell’em, Matt.
And that banner pic needs more boobs and tan.
So now you’re whining about the whiners. And you let whiners change your actions, so what does that make you? Why don’t you just write your blog as you see fit. If enough people complained about Mad Men posts would you stop writing them? No because you love the show and you know it’s good. Plus why would you like to tell us more about what to expect? Just let us watch it. What is this blog’s goal anyway? To report upcoming TV news? To critique TV shows? A job to get money? To give us plot points of shows before we watch them? I don’t get it. I don’t want to know “Walt is gonna run over two bangers tonight” before I watch Half-Measure, kinda takes the air out.
Hey Matt: this* sucks.
*this=commenters who bitch about content they get for fucking free, and through their bitching eliminate what was probably going to be a relatively spoiler-free review of an extra-uncomfortable (and therefore extra-funny) episode of Louie.
This got heated quickly. Again.
If I were to critique someone’s life work to their (screen) face, I’d at least post my name to the comment.
Anyone know what a 128th-trimester abortion costs these days? Haters gon hate.
Yeah Anonymous (WOW WHAT A CREATIVE NAME), Matt posting “Tonight’s episode … examines Louie’s awkward attempts at a dating life” is EXACTLY the same as if someone spoiled the ending of a Breaking Bad episode. Exactly the same.
@Mike: Boy that escalated quickly…I mean that really got out of hand fast.
BTW “OG blogger ain’t no bitch” is my new drive-by war cry.
@ Anonymous,
I just want to make sure we are reading the same blog. Has anything in this “whats on…” reoccurring post EVER spoiled something on the level of your Breaking Bad example? Even for those Wilfred eps (i think thats what it was) that Matt did have screeners for? Furthermore, you list various questions about what the purpose of this blog is (and yes, I’m guessing “a job to get money” would be one)but ignore one very important one. Why are you reading a TV blog if you don’t want ANY information on currently broadcasted TV?
Spoiler alert: The JR got shot, but dont worry, i wont tell you who!
Damnit, Larry, guess i should have hit refresh before posting essentially the same comment as you. Oh, and also, ignore the unnecessary “the” at the end of my post.
(*looks for samurai sword*)
(*does not find samurai sword*)
(*looks for large kitchen knife*)
(*does not find large kitchen knife*)
(*grabs rubber spatula*)
THUUUUUUNNNDERRRRRDOOOOMMMMMME!
was here
@Mike G- Hey, the more people calling this guy an asshole, the better
*grabs bag of saladitos to fight alongside DG*
Commenters have made positive contributions to this blog. Not one Debbie Mazar picture since I asked Matt to stop showing her. Not one.
@Tim: That was YOU?? You monster!
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE.
@DG: Obviously you’ve never shopped at Zed’s.
if only there was a meme that could capture the true essence of arguing in comment sections on the internet…
also, who doesn’t understand that this is a television blog about television? Hey, along with not watching screeners, would these special comment-ors have the dude cut his cable too, lest they be spoiled on such plot heavy shows as ‘Louie’?
I can’t believe they were able to get Dane Cook to take time out of his busy schedule to do a TV show.
Oh well, at least getting him on camera for the first time since 2005 is sure to spike sales in hair product, and Ed Hardy merch.
The Dow is going through the roof tomorrow, trust. I’m putting all my money in punchlineless jokes and airkick punctuations.
I was jack, MBF and that other one
I’m Team Matt!!!
(Do people still do the “Team” thing?)
((Because if not, this blog sucks.)
Dane Cook and Jersey Shore premiere on the same night. COINCIDENCE?
where’s the RAW review for this week? WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING!!!
….i think i’m lost
That picture isn’t photoshopped at all. The only time in my life I’ve envied Snooki’s head.
Oh also….I liked the old page layout better.
CHANGE IT BACK!!!
Alcoholics Gratuitous
Dude, you can just go to Claire’s and buy one of those sparkly bows.
Hundred bucks Anonymous is super political (left or right). I can tell because he enjoys telling others how they should lead their lives. Stick to cable news Anonymous, those are the important blogs on which to comment.
I love you guys. Except Jack. He sucks.
Since we are making inane critiques of unimportant things, I would like to point out that many of the claims of Dane Cook ripping off Louis C.K. are not true. Take for instance the “name your kids…” bit which was first created by Steve Martin. Then there is the “itchy butthole” bit which is a pretty generic topic in the first place. I like Louie C.K. much more than Dane Cook, but the hatred for Dane Cook is funnier than either of them ever could be. 3, 2, 1…
Oh yeah!? I will start my own blog! And I’ll photoshop a french bulldog dressed as a squid into my posts and praise the high end writing of “Two and a Half Men” and post recaps of every final season “Entourage” episode because they are so awesome.
/please give me a job *sobs in the street*
Deweather, Dane has ripped off numerous other comedians.
Including Joe Rogan.
Warming Glow:
I am Jack’s spoiler free blog
“PUMPS ALL THE FISTS!!!”
@Deweather:
A valiant troll attempt, but you have to realize: we don’t hate Dane Cook because he steals jokes. That’s why comedians hate him. We hate him because he combines the panache of Guy Fieri with the humor of dead puppies.
“Your mad is showing” is probably one of the best things ever said preceding a punch to the face that I’ve ever heard.
I had to look up what “og” meant; I am not sure if I am embarrassed or proud.
OG blogger makes me picture captain caveman pounding away at a laptop. Huzzah
Wait, now I want to picture Uff in an Adidas tracksuit, shelltoes, Kangol bell hat and a dookie chain. *OG*
Milk Steak
OG blogger makes me picture captain caveman pounding away at a laptop. Huzzah
——————————
Really? Because I picture Samuel L. Jackson in a Kangol hat and a laptop the size of a coffee table.
/makes two handed, exagerated, over-my-right shoulder wanking motion
Great. Now there’s people bitching about people bitching about you bitching about people bitching. WE MUST GO DEEPER!!!
(read this shit daily… don’t change baby!)
In case you couldn’t tell, Matt takes complaints about his blogging VERY personally. Be glad he’s just sticking to airing out his dirty laundry on his blog, not digging up your work phone number and calling to complain about your complaining like he did with me. “I WORK REALLY HAAAARD! WHY DID YOU TWEET MY BOSS?!”
How was my syntax and grammar on that post, Matt?
At least those guys didn’t question a corgi’s usefulness or make a typo, ’cause that is when Matt throws down, bitches.
Oh, and commenters “jack,” “MBF,” and “Ashlar”, “Anonymous”, Dane Cook and his defenders; fuck you in the ass with a rusty ten gallon bucket sideways. I’m saying this in a most helpful, professional and courteous way, with all due respect.
Sorry; I forgot Snookie and MTV.
Can we please focus on what’s important here?
DG yelling Thunderdome.
This is one of my favorite threads ever. Thanks, everybody.
@matt
FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BLOG STUPID FACE I WILL FUCK YOU IN THE ASS
okay I’m kidding. But next time you’re in the SF Bay Area POST FUCKING MORE THAN A DAY IN ADVANCED and I’ll but you a drink based on my guess of what is in your avatar (fuck avatar)).
But really. I enjoy most of everything you have to say, except when you say you may watch nearly 3 episodes of “Jersey Shore”… because I may kill myself if forced to watch more than 2 seconds of one.
Skeletor
shit im drunk
@TFBuckFutter: what did he steal from Joe Rogan. I know Rogan has accused Mencia of stealing his (and others) jokes, but has he actually accused Cook of stealing his jokes? Or just accused him of stealing Louie C.K.’s jokes?
@0tarin: Comedians hate him because he is incredibly popular and successful. That’s a common theme in their profession. As far as the hate he gets from the public, I think it is a mix of hating on someone/thing popular and actual dislike. His humor definitely appeals more to the high-school/college age. As that, he is the “Dave Matthews Band” of comedians.
@matt: Does this mean it’s…over?
@skeletor; “I’ll but you a drink” I believe you meant “I’ll head butt you a drink”.
“Comedians hate him because he is incredibly popular and successful.”
I think it is more of a “I have to be that much of a phony, insincere, stealing dick to be incredibly popular and successful?” Then their next thought is “or I could be Larry the Cable Guy.”
And that is why most comics are self loathing pessimists; which is fucking hilarious.
Awww man, I showed up way too late to this shindig.
@jack – Matt gave me a fuck you once when I was awkwardly complimenting him. I said “that why you make the big bucks.” What he didnt realize that musicians make waaaay less than bloggers.
Gah, no point. In conclusion, two men enter, one man leaf.
I’m with Skeletor. Something tells me Rickhouse in SF would be a fine place to visit…
Sixty-two comments and nobody has bothered to mention that one of the Project Runway contestants has a sextape? Shame on you all. And yes, it’s the hot one. Miss Trinidad. How is this being overlooked?
I feel like I just walked into a party extremely late only to find the police have already left, the alcohol is gone, and everyone I know is either arrested or injured and everyone wants to kill me when I ask “what happened here?”
@Zack Because we were all aware when the tape came out months ago.
And now I’ve bitched about someone bitching about too much bitching. BRAHM
Matt, this post is entitled “What’s on Tonight” but it is actually tomorrow. Thanks a lot for posting non-spoilers about stuff that already happened. I was really looking backward to remembering this stuff on my own.
All the great sounds and sights of Italy! I’m sure in that pic Snooki’s other hand is checking out an Italian hot spot.
OK, Matt posts his blogger/commenter conversation for the umpteenth time and no one yet has commented with the “don’t f*** with the mean marine who drove a tank and put his life on the line for your sorry ass”
you commenters are slacking!
@Chet: Well, sure, we all watched the video when it first came out, but since she’s a contestant on Project Runway now, it’s relevant again and we can watch it all over again. And besides, I would think that MISS UNIVERSE PROJECT RUNWAY SEXTAPE would be good for pageviews.