"Ok, on three. 1... 2... 3... WHITE PEOPLE!"
Bachelor Pad (ABC) – Tonight’s episode features synchronized swimming. Because if there’s one surefire way to draw in distracted viewers in the last month of summer, it’s synchronized swimming.
American Ninja Warrior (NBC) – I wanted to be a ninja so bad when I was growing up. SO BAD. Between 3 Ninjas, Surf Ninjas, and repeated viewings of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon and movies, I consumed HOURS of ninja-related entertainment. I went as a ninja for Halloween like six years in a row. It was awesome how all these shows and movies sent the message that it was perfectly reasonable for children to go fight crime and handle swords and nunchucks and stuff. Surf Ninjas was the best because the main kid didn’t even have to train. He just woke up one day and BOOM ninja master. I would have sacrificed family members for that to have happened to me.
Intervention (A&E) – My New Year’s resolution was to never watch this depressing piece of crap show again. I’m not even joking.
The Best Thing I Ever Ate (Food Network) – If my apartment was on fire and the flames were encroaching on me as I sat in my living room, filling the room with smoke and quickly sealing off all available exits, I would still try to make it to the commercial break of this show before I left. I really like food.
The Closer (TNT) – A buddy of mine once said he thought Kyra Sedgwick looks like a less attractive version of Marissa Miller. My response: EVERYONE looks like a less attractive version of Marissa Miller.
After the jump I’ve posted the music video for “Iesha” by Another Bad Creation, because someone referenced them in the comments earlier and because there are not nearly enough rap groups made up of children in airbrushed overalls nowadays if you ask me.
Ok kids, Matt’s back tomorrow. Thanks for letting me play with you over the past couple days. I had a blast. Bye bye.
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What the hell, Ninja Warrior is on NBC all of a sudden? Pretty badass. I honestly rank that shit as my 2nd favorite “sport” behind Pro Football and ahead of MMA, College Football, and Soccer.
Good job, DG. Now go back to staring at Kelly K. gifs until the bar results are posted.
I’m Idaho.
It tastes like burning!
The main competition portion (i.e., the part in Japan) migrated to NBC, I think. G4 just blew its wad on a marathon of the qualifiers and “boot camp” bullshit yesterday.
Who didn’t want to be a ninja at some point in their childhood?
Well, a ninja or Chun Li. I also really wanted to be Chun Li.
Intervention is good until the actual intervention part, that is some intense, desperate stuff…I think they should just show the partying and substance abuse and leave it at that…oh, right, and change the name to Awesome Party Show (Try this at home…except for the near death part)
Thanks DG.
Oh, and Intervention is only the second half of the Slit-your-wrists double-header. Don’t forget Hoarders! I’m wondering if they can add a show after that where people tell you about how they lost their limbs or how they were molested as children.
Aw crap DG, I missed most of it. Stupid work. I’m good for nothing I tell ya. NOTHIN’! I’m sure you were hilarious, stealth like and deadly.
How could there be only one (barely) visible tattoo in that banner pic?
@Patty Boots: I really want you to be Chun Li too. But just for tonight. Tomorrow night you can be Leia. And on Wednesday we’ll go with Rollergirl, Thursday is Lara Croft, and we’ll close out the week with a good old-fashioned Catwoman night on Friday.
“that it was perfectly reasonable for children to go fight crime and handle swords and nunchucks and stuff.”
The neighbor kid had to grow up with only one ball because of your nunchuck crazyness……
I’m really surprised that The Best Thing I Ever Ate isn’t on Oprah’s network.
But now we’ll never know Danger’s thoughts on the return of the snapback.
I’ve posted the music video for “Iesha” by Another Bad Creation, because someone referenced them in the comments earlier
Translation: “Thanks for the awesome reference, Schmoove! You’re as brilliant as you are handsome and sexually potent!!
intervention is awesome i love other peoples misery. and the knowledge that im better than them at partying and substance abuse
@AG:
If Oprah hosted, there’d me no variety. “Everything” is pretty much just a one-episode stretch.
Well, I decided to give Ninja Warrior a shot, but I have to admit: I miss the japanese announcers. They are WAY more interesting to listen to than these boring-ass K-Swiss shills.
Also, it’s really shitty that the Americans are competing without all the Japanese competitors alongside them. The last few years, that wasn’t the case.
@0tarin; I’m not sure I understand this Ninja Warrior show; I mean you won’t even be able to see them….
I am a white woman, and I can’t tell the difference between the men on Bachelor Pad. They all look the same to me
Where all the minority cast members from Bachelor Pad already voted off? I know this usually happens on Week 3 of those dumb Bachelor shows?
Ahh the 90′s, when wearing overalls (with one strap of course) and ninjas were a socially acceptable form of law enforcement.