Oh boy, it’s time to play FLORIDA OR OHIO!!! The game where something awful happens, and it’s so creepy and terrible that it could only happen in Florida or Ohio. Today: cable installer shows up to woman’s apartment, begins masturbating.
The 24-year-old woman told sheriff’s deputies a Comcast cable installer came to her home on July 31 and exposed himself. Tuesday night, deputies said they tracked down and arrested 31-year-old Shane Wheatley for the crime.
The woman told deputies Wheatley showed up to install cable service and began touching himself through his shorts. Then, when she looked away, she says Wheatley exposed himself and began masturbating while smiling at her. [WTSP via thestir]
Personally, I would have guessed Ohio for this one, because it’s more of a “public masturbation” kind of state, and there are no alligators in this story. But the correct answer is actually Florida. Sarasota County, to be precise.
What the story leaves out is whether Wheatley ever installed the cable. Because if he did, it’s still a huge step up from Time Warner Cable. I’d rather have a masturbating Comcast guy fixing my cable than Time Warner’s bullsh*t no-show employees. Drop your pants and have it, just clean up afterwards and make sure I have HBO.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/h353_w628_m6_otrue_lfalse-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/walter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/a-man-ate-57-cans-of-whipped-cream-after-breaking-into-a-supermarket-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/ron-150x150.gif)
Thought for sure it was Ohio for the same reason.
You cable jack-ing it?
What’s the big deal?
I let the DirecTV guy fuck my wife for free Sunday Ticket.*
*may or may not be true.
Oh boy, it’s time to play
FLORIDA OR OHIO!!!Time the Troll, the game wheresomething awful happenscommenters guess how long until someone insists Ufford ripped off FLORIDA OR OHIO from Adam Carolla, and it’s socreepy and terriblecreepy and terrible that itcould only happen in Florida or Ohiomakes me sympathetic to people who complain when their favorite show isn’t included in the What’s On Tonight posts.To be fair, they DID say that he would come between the hours of 11am and 3:45p.
This is a step up from AT&T Uverse as well, I doubt the guy who showed up to (unsuccessfully) install our cable could find his own pecker with two hands and a large-print edition of Gray’s Anatomy.
Ah dammit, La Schmoove wins. Can’t believe I didn’t make that joke.
LaS, good stuff.
At least he smiled.
Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
He fixes the cable?
C’mon Matt. For a page click whore (no judgment – sometimes a brotha just needs to turn a trick), I would have expected the answer to be “after the jump.”
I’m disappointed in you, son.
Also La Schmoove’s comment made me laugh and fart at the same time.
@Mushroom — I almost never write “after the jump.” A lot of people read Warming Glow through direct links posted on Twitter or Facebook, so there’s no jump for them. Hence why I write “video below” when I put video after a page break.
This has been another edition of BLOGGERFACTS. Tune in next week to learn my techniques for keeping Doritos cheese dust out of my keyboard.
I once had TWC cancel on me, half-way into my 3-hour appointment window. And then they tried to reschedule for a week later. A whole week. Who does that?!
Proudest moment ever! You guys can’t see it, but I’m running victory laps around my office while “Mama Said Knock You Out” blasts on my computer.
Call from Human Resources? Must be to congratulate me. Better bring the good scotch whiskey.
/schooled
//head down in self pity
And for Doritos cheese dust, compressed air or GTFO.
Cable guy in shorts?
Not very professional.
Cable Guy Masturbates in Woman’s Living Room, Gets Poor Reception
See if this was balanced journalism, they’d show a picture a of the girl so their editorial perverts could objectively decide if it was worth it. (bites glasses stem in thought)
I would have preferred this story if it somehow involved a female-female connector.
“because [Ohio is] more of a ‘public masturbation’ kind of state”
Hey! My husband is from Ohio. Oh, it’s all starting to make sense now.
YOU STEAL FROM ADAM CAROLLA!!!!
makes sense since fl has a high amt of sex offenders too. the guy may have been on drugs too which is another great attribute of fl. he smiled? as if he had a sick enjoyment of the fact he was scaring this woman at the same time.
lucky to have a job and now he will probably never get a job again and go onto crazier crimes.. but i doubt this is the first time he’s acted out, but now at least he’s caught.