From Sacramento’s NBC affiliate KCRA: the hardest-hitting news story you’re going to get all year. Raccoon gangs: will their turf wars lead to innocent citizens getting killed? Are they selling your children drugs? And can California’s first dog Sutter the corgi solve the problem? Details tonight at 11.
For more information on this urban scourge, I plugged “27th Street and U Street Sacramento” into Google Maps, then looked at the street view:
OH MY GOD IT’S TRUE! And they’re Crips! Honey, pack your bags, we’re moving to Bakersfield.
[Screen cap via epic4chan]
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Witnesses were unable to offer police descriptions of the suspects, as they were all wearing masks.
They need to bring in Leslie Knope. She has plenty of experience with this sort of thing.
Secret racists better take advantage. This’ll be the only time its okay to shout out “GET THOSE ‘COONS OUT OF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!”
Gang of Raccoons would be a great name for an indie band.
They aren’t a real gang until they have West Coast rappers dropping their names in song. Then, and only then, will I take them seriously.
/learned everything I know about gangs from early 90′s MTV
bravo, otto man.
I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking
King of my jungle just a gangster stalking
Living life like a firecracker quick is my fuse
Then dead as a deathpack the colors I choose
Red or Blue, ‘Coon or Blood, it just don’t matter
Uhh in Bakersfield you gotta be afraid of the cops…
Straight outta Sacto
Crazy motherfucker named Ranger Rick
All you badgers out there can suck my dick
I’m a masked man
I ain’t got hands
But that don’t stop me from knockin’ over trash cans
“They have their part of town and we have ours.”
-Leslie Knope
Earl, what’s going on?
Earl: Coons are tryin’ to get into school.
Forrest: Coons? When racoons try to get on our back porch, Momma just chase ‘em off with a broom.
Earl: Not racoons, you idiot, niggas. And they want to go to school with us.
Forrest: With us? They do?
@Observerwwtdd – Oh dear.