
In case you missed the ads plastered all over this webpage yesterday, last night was the season premiere of “Sons of Anarchy,” effectively beginning the Fall 2011 TV season. Old favorites will return, and as much as I’m looking forward to “Community” and “Parks and Recreation,” I also love September and October because of the new shows that hit the air.
On the next few pages, you’ll see a list of new shows, what they’re about, whether they’re for you, and to make things a little more interesting, drinking game suggestions. Because how else are you supposed to sit through an entire episode of “Whitney”? So here we go, and if all the shows look like dog poop, at least we’ve got three episodes of “Archer” to look forward to.
“Ringer” (CW, September 13, 9 p.m.)

Plot: Bridget (Sarah Michelle Gellar) goes on the run after witnessing a murder, taking on the identity of her identical twin sister — only to find out her sibling’s life is just as messed as up hers.
Is It for You? Does the name “Miss Kitty Fantastico” mean anything to you? If not, then you’re not the intended target audience for “Ringer.” No, not stay-at-home lesbians (although…), but rather fans of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I can’t think of another show as dependent on a pre-existing fan base as CW/”Ringer” is with Sarah Michelle Gellar/”Buffy” fans. The pilot’s been getting decent buzz, and it may be worth checking out, if only because it’s not a show about emasculated males, a trope you’ll soon become familiar with.
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot for every review of “Ringer” that mentions “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“H8R” (CW, September 14, 8 p.m.)

Plot: Host Mario Lopez invites Snooki, Kim Kardashian, and other pseudo-celebrities/reasons why ppl h8 USA 2 make their case 2 their H8Rs on y they should b <3.
Is It for You? If you’re not totally convinced that Barry Bonds is a cheater and justice obstructer and all-around dick, and you feel ESPN’s “Bonds on Bonds” didn’t show the real Home Run King, and you think there’s a side of Mr. Bonds we haven’t seen before, then you should watch “H8R.”
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot every time one of the celebrities says the word “jealous.”
“Up All Night” (NBC, September 14, 10 p.m.)

Plot: A couple has a baby, and they struggle to juggle the newborn with their old lives.
Is It for You? “Up All Night” has one heck of a cast. Will Arnett and Christina Applegate are the headliners, but Maya Rudolph and, um, Nick Cannon are there, too. The show was also created by Emily Spivey, whose background includes writing gigs for “Parks and Recreation” and “King of the Hill,” so that gives you the hope that it’ll be better than its dirty diapers premise. But is it for you? If you’ll watch anything with any “Arrested Development” alumni, like I will (I’ve even seen Let’s Go to Prison…more than once), then yes to “Up All Night.”
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot every time poop is used as a joke. Not a poop joke, but actual poop.
“Free Agents” (NBC, September 14, 10:30 p.m.)

Plot: Two public relations executive have relations of their own, but decide (and presumably fail) to keep up a professional relationship in the office.
Is It for You? It doesn’t really matter, because as likeable as Hank Azaria (“The Simpsons”), Anthony Head (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”), and Joe Lo Truglio (“The State”) are, “Free Agents” is likely to be one of the first new shows canceled this fall. It’s a remake of a British comedy about PR executives looking for love, going against both “Survivor” and “The X-Factor.” I’d rather put my money on the Panthers winning the Super Bowl this season than on season two of “Free Agents.”
[Editor's Note: I've seen the pilot, and I thought it was pretty damn good. So don't listen to Josh. No one should EVER put money on the Panthers winning the Super Bowl.]
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot for yourself when you think of the millions Azaria has made as the voice of Moe.
“2 Broke Girls” (CBS, September 19, 9:30 p.m.)

Plot: Two twentysomething waitresses (Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs) work together at a restaurant in Brooklyn, hoping to save enough money to open up a cupcake shop.
Is It for You? The prospect of watching Kat Dennings for 22 minutes every week is intriguing, and it’s likely that many “How I Met Your Mother” fans will give it a shot when the show moves to its normal 8:30 p.m. slot, but the words “twentysomething,” “Brooklyn,” and “cupcake shop” together are about as worrisome as the fact that “2 Broke Girls” was co-created by Whitney Cummings. Plus, Behrs’s character is a former socialite who has to work as a waitress because her father was indicted in a Ponzi scheme. The year 2008 would have LOVED “2 Broke Girls.” Still: Kat Dennings.
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot every time the word “hipster” is uttered.



Can someone please explain how Whitney Cummings got two shows on the fall schedule without using the words “slut” or “blow job”?
I’d include take a drink every time someone says “China man” on “Hell on Wheels.’
Also, is it acceptable for a 39 year-old man to watch “Beavis and Butthead?” I’m going to say yes.
Nice preview Josh.
“I’d rather put my money on the Panthers winning the Super Bowl this season than on season two of “Free Agents.”
God DAMN you, sir.
Hey now, the Panthers almost won the Super Bowl! … Several years ago. When we still had Peppers.
Oh, and Zooey Deschanel does have a pretty great dress collection.
@Patty, you know what they say about almost….horseshoes and hand grenades.
Emily > Zooey
/obligatory
How does “God I want to see Kat Dennings and Whitney Cummings Nude” translate into “Let’s produce a sitcom for Kat Dennings and Whitney Cummings”?
This Fall line up stinks of sexual favors and pervy TV executives.
im gonna need a chinaman saying Cocksucker again and again for Hell on Wheels to work.
Emily>Zoey
BONUS EXTRA SHOW
Title: That one show on some network that has Rachel Bilson in it
Drinking Game Idea: Do a shot every time I swoon or remember the Oliver arc from season 1 of “The O.C.” and burst a blood vessel in anger. Die of alcohol poisoning during the cold open.
Shit, totally forgot.
Emily>Zooey.
My BSG watching collection of nerds is regrouping to watch Terra Nova. Please, please let there be awesome dino-induced deaths. And, please let Jason O’Mara take his shirt off a lot.
PS – happy to see Kirk Acevedo continuing to get work. After his awesome work in Oz & BoB (& Fringe), he deserves good things.
I’m never going to watch “How To Be A Gentleman,” but I do hope it lasts for awhile, because I feel really bad for Dave Foley. We should all send him $10 for how awesome “Kids In The Hall” and “Newsradio” were.
Zooey > Emily
I don’t think i can watch Terra Nova, can’t get past Stephen Lang playing the same exact character he played in Avatar.
oh, and
Zooey>>Emily
Want to love “Hell on Wheels”, but unfortunately, the pilot is a mess. It’s hard to watch gritty westerns after Deadwood, but you’re right, should give it the 5 ep treatment
That’s a lot of new shows, yet ‘Terriers’ gets cancelled? For crap like ‘I Hate My Teenage Daughter’? Really?
Good job Josh.
Emily > Zooey
thecursor, Kat Dennings nude has already been delivered. I’d link to it, but I’m at work.
B==D~~ Kat Dennings
Am I doing it right?
I got the show right here. Re-shoot the Wire scene for scene but replace Wood Harris and Idris Elba with Hilary and Haley Duff.
Smello, my group of BSG watching nerds was so angry at the end of Season 4 and that horseshit it turned into that I don’t think we could get the group back together, but heard nothing good about Terra Nova.
And Zooey >>>>>> Emily
My concern with “Terra Nova” is that they kept writing and shooting the pilot, because they had no direction for the show. Then they brought in Brannon Braga as a showrunner, but he has the ‘Reverse Midas Touch’ and finally everything that Spielberg produces follows the same tired pattern: “The difficulties of raising a family against an alien invasion/dinosaur attack etc. There are always lots of ‘precious’ kid characters and the tone of the movies/tv shows are always WAY too sentimental and schmaltzy. Don’t believe me? Check out the first few episodes of “Falling Skies”. This is going to be more of the same.
I sat threw a trailer for the new Charlie’s Angels before some movie this summer. One of the “actresses” gushed that the new show is nothing like the old show because they’re not cops or spies “or whatever,” they’re detectives. Yep, completely different — in her mind.
Thank you, Taco for being the only person to contribute to the important part of this conversation.
The advert for “Whitney” has the lead actress looking into the camera and making a snarky remark along the lines of, “Why do guys wear team jerseys watching football games. That would be like me dressing up as a dead hooker while watching “Law & Order.” My thought is, well, guys wear thouse jerseys because they identifty with a certain team. If you, Whitney, identify as a hooker, then, by all means, dress the part. Oh yeah, STFU.
warrenbishop……
…I fear you will be correct about Terra Nova……..because I did watch Falling Skies all summer long…..
…someone needs to reboot “Earth 2″…
@warrenbishop Had Falling Skies in mind when writing about Terra Nova. *Shudder*
Zooey>Emily, any day.
So now that I just found ou about all the shows I’m not going to watch, when will you start talking about the ones I will
Like Archer, Community, Parks and Rec, Always Sunny and Sons
Wow NBC and FX knows what i like on TV
Hot chicks. Smart jokes, taking things too far, Alisson Bries boobs
It’s like they are in my mind!
Just watched New Girl. Surprisingly funny. Still hard to believe, but what can ya do.
Is It for You? It doesn’t really matter, because as likeable as Hank Azaria (“The Simpsons”), Anthony Head (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”), and Joe Lo Truglio (“The State”) are, “Free Agents” is likely to be one of the first new shows canceled this fall. It’s a remake of a British comedy about PR executives looking for love, going against both “Survivor” and “The X-Factor.” I’d rather put my money on the Panthers winning the Super Bowl this season than on season two of “Free Agents.”
[Editor's Note: I've seen the pilot, and I thought it was pretty damn good. So don't listen to Josh. No one should EVER put money on the Panthers winning the Super Bowl.]
Drinking Game Idea: Take a shot for yourself when you think of the millions Azaria has made as the voice of Moe.
Good one.
I’ll take a drink every time I want to bang Zooey.
I’ll also have a replacement liver ready to go if alcohol poisoning doesn’t kill me too quicky.
Am I the only one who doesn’t really understand (or want to know) what this promo pic for How to be a Gentleman is supposed to be about? Other than that, the show looks like shit.
AND Cutty was easily the worst actor in The Wire. Not the worst character, but definitely the worst actor.
So, for the plot to Terra Nova to make any sense at all, we have to assume that whoever sent these people back to a time when dinosaurs roamed the Earth intentionally never told them that all the dinosaurs died when an asteroid reduced the Earth to a smoldering rock.