Andy Rooney Stable After Almost Dying

Just three weeks after his final “60 Minutes” ramble, Andy Rooney almost died. At least, that’s what I’m inferring given CBS’s terse statement.

Rooney underwent minor surgery last week and suffered serious complications. For that reason, he remains in the hospital, but his condition is stable.

The Rooney family asks that their privacy be respected at this difficult time. [CBS]

I don’t mean to be insensitive, but the man is 92 YEARS OLD. His skin is like loose parchment draped over rotting meat. There’s no such thing as MINOR surgery for someone this old. He could probably bleed out from a paper cut. That’s why I mailed him a “get well” card in the freshest, sharpest envelope I could find.