TV’s Greatest Marriage Proposals

In a fortuitous twist of romantic fate, Warming Glow’s listmaker-in-chief Josh Kurp and I both got engaged within the same month this fall. No, NOT TO EACH OTHER, har har har. The coincidence got us to talking about TV’s finest marriage proposals, and we knew right away that it needed to be added to the official pantheon of Warming Glow lists.

However, instead of letting Josh do his usual thing and just make a list for you, I demanded to get in the way and talk about TV episodes I’d never seen. It’s one of my better gifts. What follows is Josh’s list and our accompanying Gchat (edited for clarity). Spoilers follow, if you’re five years or a decade behind on watching TV.

Matt: So let’s start with us. In a single sentence with no more than three clauses, describe your proposal.

Josh: I sent Nadia on a scavenger hunt around the city, where she had to find clues at seven different locations, with a code on the bottom of each, which she deciphered at Rockefeller Center.

M: Oh wow. That’s seriously impressive. I wanted to surprise Jenny, so I asked her at my birthday party in front of our friends.

J: That’s cuter. (Don’t tell anyone I used the word “cuter.” Thanks.)

M: Yeah, but yours is all romantic and sh*t.

J: It was inspired by the Zodiac Killer.

1. Homer and Marge, ‘The Simpsons’

Marge worries that she’s pregnant again, so to pass the time, Homer tells the kids the story of how they got together. It involves The Empire Strikes Back and mini-golf.

J: My first selection is naturally The Simpsons, where Homer proposes to Marge, using an onion ring as a token of his cheap, inexpensive love.

M: “Would you mind if I take it off now? The grease is burning my finger.”

J: As someone who spent less than the cost of a single blog post to buy the ring (two months salary, my ass!), I’m proud to consider Homer my equal.

M: Homer did it right, man. The f**king diamond industry is a goddam racket.

J: I blame the Jews.

M: I do appreciate your self-loathing. Although I admit that my fiancée’s continued happiness with the sparkly bauble offsets my abject poverty.

J: Women do like shiny things, or in my fiancée’s case, rings with bunny rabbits on it.

M: Please tell me it’s plastic. Or at least has fur on it.

J: Sadly, neither, but it IS rusty after only a month and a half.

M: Iron oxide is forever.

2. Lisa and Hugh, ‘The Simpsons’

After chasing the mystical esquilax into the woods at the Springfield Renaissance Fair, Lisa wanders into a fortune telling both and is told the story of her (future) first love, Hugh.

J: For The Simpsons, it was between Homer proposing to Marge, or Hugh pledging to be Lisa’s one and only. But he wouldn’t wear those amazing pig cufflinks, so screw that uptight British arsehole.

M: That is a TERRIFIC episode.

J: Sidenote, can those cufflinks be the main photo? I really want them for my wedding.

M: Find the pic and I’ll use it.

J: BOOM.

M: they’re… they’re beautiful.

J: I take back what I said about the Jews. They know what they’re doing by not eating those curly-tailed farm animals.

M: False. Bacon.