What’s on Tonight: Slutty Pumpkin Beard

How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — Katie Holmes guest stars as the show’s infamous “Slutty Pumpkin.” I’m sure it will be just as disappointing as every role since Joey on “Dawson’s Creek.” Also, to my knowledge, this concludes my coverage of Halloween episodes in the daily listings. Let’s have one more corgi in costume for the road, shall we?

Ghost Hunters (Syfy) — Per tradition, the team goes to a supposedly haunted place for a live special. This year they’ll be at Pennsylvania’s Pennhurst Asylum for a six-hour special. It’s the perfect show for people who loved the low-fi dullness of Paranormal Activity but wished the movie was longer with fewer scares and commercials.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — How the hell is Nancy Grace still on this show? Screw you, America.

Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC) — Series premiere. I think Brian Williams is great. However, because I’m not 60 years old yet, I don’t think I’m going to watch a newsmagazine.

Hawaii Five-O (CBS) — Nightmare on Elm Street‘s Robert Englund guest stars as, in Yahoo‘s words, a “creepy old drifter.” Is there another kind of drifter I don’t know about? I mean, if there were sexy young drifters, I wouldn’t make so many jokes about killing drifters.

Night of the Living Dead (TCM) — I admit it: I’ve never seen George Romero’s 1968 horror classic. I suppose I should DVR this so I can have some street cred the next time I talk about “The Walking Dead.”

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Conan kicks off four nights in New York with his “Late Night” successor Jimmy Fallon on the couch, plus comic Reggie Watts. Elsewhere: Jesse Eisenberg on Letterman; Justin Bieber and World Series hero David Freese on Leno; Paul Reubens on Kimmel; Zooey Deschanel and Neil Gaiman on Ferguson; Heidi Klum on Fallon; and Mindy Kaling on “The Daily Show.”