Last Man Standing (ABC) — Series premiere. This is a key cog in ABC’s “men are two-dimensional idiots” sitcom block, with the exquisitely terrible-looking “Man Up!” premiering next week. In “Last Man Standing,” an equally stupid-looking insult to modernity, Tim Allen stars as a manly-man outdoor goods executive with a wife and three daughters. See, it’s funny because he laments the state of the world and the way nothing is manly enough. GRRRRR TODAY’S MEN DON’T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE OR SLAP THEIR WIVES!!!! NOW SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE INTERNET TO ME BECAUSE IT’S ONLY FOR SISSIES!!!
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Julianne Hough returns for the results show to promote Footloose and do a creepy partner dance with her brother.
BET Hip Hop Awards (BET) — Lil Wayne leads the way with 18 nominations, while Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa are behind him with nine apiece. Tune in for a little bit, if just to mention it casually to your token black friend — unless you ARE black, in which case: WELCOME, BLACK READER. Please stay and join us. We’re trying to diversify.
90210 (The CW) — Brandy joins the cast… as a political candidate. As in: an adult, not a student. I remember when she was all young and teenaged and whatnot. Now kindly get off my lawn.
ALCS: Rangers at Tigers (Fox) — Man, I love the baseball playoffs when the Yankees and Red Sox aren’t playing. Take Joe Buck out of the equation, and I’d probably watch it.
Soccer: United States versus Ecuador (ESPN) — Can the underdog economic giant with 300 million people topple the mighty equatorial province? Tune in to to find out.
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3 – 1 loss with a Bocanegra goal and an Oroczo suckfest.
KLINNSMAN’S BORNSTEIN!
I’m saving a nice bottle of wine for when Tim Allen’s “me manly you f*g” TV show gets canceled in three weeks. It’ll open up nicely. “Hmmm…I detect hints of failure and DUI.”
It’s no why the networks are so Red Sox- and Yankees-centric.
Rap fans will like the cyphers performed after commercial breaks at the BET Awards. And, hey, there’s always the hope that someone will throw a chair at someone else or something.
Last night during MNF, “Last Man Standing” ran a promo where Tim Allen, last of the manly men, talks about how stupid fantasy football is, even though fantasy football is played by the majority of the “non-CBS” demographic that most networks are shooting for. Nice move, ABC promo-writers.
Damn it….!!!
No “Hoarders” repeats….?
@matt – thanks for the spoiler on the “someone explain the internet to me” episode!
@Me Gusta: The cyphers are the only part of that show I bother with. Even then, it’s via YouTube the next morning.
No Stewart/Colbert this week? Aww, Cookiepuss.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Julianne Hough returns for the results show to promote Footloose and do a creepy partner dance with her brother.
This just in: despite technically not being a part of the show this year, Julianne Hough has been preemptively voted off by the viewing audience.
I gave the ALCS two innings during game one and turned it off due to all the beards without mustaches. Seriously disturbing.
If only he had asked Richard Karn if he should do this show, we could have been spared.
“I don’t think so Tim.”
Fuck all that shit. SOA is on tonight!
I’m a quarter black. Does that count?
@guitarjustin Depends. Did your white friends ask you what “skeet skeet” meant after that episode of Chappelle’s Show?
@teeblerone i was also puzzled by that “last man standing” fantasy football spot. Is their target audience men over 50? Do they realize men that age are also too old to give a fuck about a sitcom? Millions of men play fantasy football and now none of them would even consider watching this show, after having tim allen scream in their face about how stupid it is.
@ Teeblerone: Yeah, I saw that promo a couple of times. Luckily I’m not stupid enough to take offense to such a thing, but openly questioning the manhood of half the audience and exhorting them to “get off the couch” during a football game seems a strange way to advertise a show.
Welcome guitarjustin! I like ribs and big booty, too. Do you like sizzurp? (I’m so fucking nervous)
ABC and Tim Allen – HEY YOU FAG ON THE COUCH! YOU ENJOYING THE PACKERS AND FALCONS GAME? YEAH YOU WOULD WATCH FOOTBALL. YOU PROBABLY LIKE FANTASY FOOTBALL, TOO, YOU QUEEN! Please tune into the series premiere of Last Man Standing on Tuesday night at 8!
YOU BABYDICKS!
Yes indeed, welcome guitarjustin! Perhaps we could enjoy a 40oz. Malt liquor sometime? (*whispers* OMG you guys! Is that a genuine side-arm?!)
guitarjustin
I’m a quarter black. Does that count?…..
….we were told you were a tight end…
I know how to change a tire, and I’d be happy to demonstrate it for Tim Allen any time he’d like. And then I’d cave his fucking skull in with the tire iron.
I also saw that Tim Allen commercial where he bad mouths fantasy football. Fuck that show and fuck him.
/knows how to change a tire and the oil in my car
Tim Allen is probably shooting the next terrible show that will be cancelled mid season.
Nah, Tim Allen is probably shooting heroin into his eyeballs.
MORE POWER! OOO OOO OOO!
Wow. I’ve been here since like 08 I think? Well, WL at first.
Dad’s dad married white and my pops married white, so it kind of got bred outta me. Really, all ‘mericans are mutts anyhow. And yes, I really, really like big asses and sizzurp, yo.
Give Tim Allen a break! You’d go on rants like that too if you were still an addict and couldn’t please women sexually.
I’m 1/2457th Viking, but it only helps with drinking.
Fire Klinsmann!
Is this the post where us black folks are supposed to meet? Oh I’m late…as usual.
I know how to change my tire. I also know how to avoid jail time on coke charges, unlike Mr. Allen.
Yeah, I just watched the pilot of Last Man Standing and it can correctly be described as “Derp Derp Derp Fart”