Because teenagers are stupid and annoying, I sometimes forget about the often difficult quest of getting wasted when you’re underage. I take for granted that I can walk into any liquor store and just buy a handle of Evan Williams whenever I want, or leave work to go to a bar and drink a beer.
That’s what makes this local news report from CBS affiliate KPHO in Phoenix the most hilarious thing I’ve seen all day. Apparently teenagers are soaking tampons in vodka and then inserting them vaginally (or rectally) to get drunk. Others are bonging beers rectally so their parents can’t smell it on their breath. Ah, the ol’ beer enema. “Lie back and think of England!”
Oh, also it destroys your vaginal wall and could give you alcohol poisoning. But worrying about your health is for old people. Party on, dudes! *jams whiskey bottle up ass, does hand stand*
UPDATE: As commenter Parduno points out, vodka tampons were a joke on “30 Rock.” Peep the video:
[News report via BuzzFeed]
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Isn’t traditional method to cross dress and stick a bottle of Hennessy up your ass? No?
*does it anyway*
… and that’s how Ufford’s bachelor party weekend started.
I was going to write a comment about how these kids are thinking outside the box, but given what those girls are doing with the tampons I think it be the other way around.
Also… these kids are kind of geniuses, right? Like, idiot geniuses, but still… geniuses.
This is all part of the universes big plan to identify the idiots among us by killing off the really stupid ones.
That seems like it would sting. Badly.
Truth be told, Beck’s tastes like ass anyway…
Vodka-soaked tampons? Ketamine-coated contacts or GTFO.
Tampons Soaked in Vodka? Didn’t they open for Times New Viking?
She passed out after just two shots. What a pussy.
“Are You There, Vodka? It’s me, Tampon”
- A tampon
the first thing I thought of when I read this was that this was a joke on 30 Rock.
[www.youtube.com]
What’s the drinking age in the U.S. nowadays, like 30? Dooming your youngen’s to huffing paint and crap like this can’t be good public policy.
I think I’ll just continue to drink my vodka and leave my vagina open to other things.
Great. Now I want a Bloody Mary.
/groaning at Chino
Well done, m’lady.
I once took a shot in the vagina. Didn’t need tampons for nine months!
Sometimes I forget that going to highschool overseas was the best thing that ever happened to me, but then I see something like this and I get a whole new appreciation for the experience.
Granted, my friends in the states weren’t shoving booze soaked tampons up their asses but sneaking out into the woods to shotgun warm natural light is basically the same thing. Actually I’ll take the tampon in the 2 hole every time if given the choice.
Whatever, when we were kids we took acid in our butts and tripped from the waist down.
Looks like the guys these days like to get drunk…
*sunglasses*
…off their ass.
YYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
I saw a commercial for this. It was just a girl wearing all white, swimming and doing gymnastics.
So I can offer teenage girls a Whisky Dick with the promise that it will get them drunk?
I need to get me some of these. That way I could be fun for at least one week out of the month.
I remember that scene in James Bond’s Vodkapussy. And I believe he did go with stirred instead of shaken.
Chino is on fire, like a 17-year-olds whiskey-coated ass.
Didn’t The View interview some HS girls who did this a while back? I didn’t watch the video, so I don’t know if they reference that or not.
Huh, I’ve been doing this all wrong. I usually get drunk and THEN I put stuff in my cooch.
UPDATE: The Doctors, The View, same thing. [www.youtube.com]
I wonder if vodka soaked buttplugs are what the kids are doing now.
In my day, if a guy suggested sticking a bottle of booze up our asses in order to get drunk we kicked the shit out of him. Then we tried it on our own secretly.
“Others are bonging beers rectally so their parents can’t smell it on their breath.”
Somewhere, Jerry Sandusky is kicking himself.
/Too soon? Yeah, too soon…
Chino — take the night off. You’ve earned it.
Whoa… They’re showing the same 30 rock episode on comedy central. I thought i was going crazy for a bit.
If the local teenage girls are looking t get wasted during school hours, they’re more than welcome to come over my house.
I think Arizona now has enough votes to push for an amendment to the Florida or Ohio game.
*wipes away tear of pride*
I’m pretty sure MANswers taught me this last year.