The Masturbating Bear Came Back to Conan

The Masturbating Bear has a long and storied late-night history. Perhaps the best symbol of the unique zaniness of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” the Masturbating Bear got shelved for being too edgy for an 11:30 p.m. audience when Conan moved to L.A. to take over “The Tonight Show.” The bear would later make subtle cameos during Conan’s brief tenure in Leno’s spot, but when Conan negotiated his bitter departure from the network, NBC claimed intellectual property rights to the bear, leading Conan to fill the void with characters like Self-Pleasuring Panda.

Last fall, in an interview with Rolling Stone, O’Brien claimed that really wanna do,” he said at the time, “is be sued over the bear and then appear in court with the Masturbating Bear. ‘Your Honor, this bear can’t help himself!’”

Sure enough, last night the Masturbating Bear returned for Conan’s second of four shows filmed in New York City (video below). Conan presented him as the reformed NON-Masturbating Bear: a hard-working insurance salesman who commutes to Manhattan from the suburbs where he lives with his wife and children. But you can probably figure out how it ends: you can’t keep the Masturbating Bear from masturbating. I mean, it’s right there in his name.

So now I guess we wait to see if NBC is willing to sue over ursine onanism. I’d follow that sh*t like the O.J. trial.