UPDATE: Now with high-quality video.
Next week, TLC will air “Virgin Diaries,” a special in which hapless idiots get married before knowing if they’re sexually compatible — before knowing ANYTHING about sex, apparently. That’s what we see in this promo when a couple shares their first kiss on their wedding day. It’s positively glorious, and you must watch it and share it with everyone you know right this instant. That groom is one lucky dude.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/the-definitive-history-of-songs-of-the-summer-1994-2012-uproxx10-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/TLC1-1343750947-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/buscemi-tattoo-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/RATS-NO-NOPE-JESUS-CHRIST-NOPE-150x150.png)
Wait, I have to put what, where? Ewwwwwwwww. gross.
/dying
“OK, it’s in. Now what?”
Something about this is grosser than if he’d shit in her mouth.
I hope she doesn’t apply that technique when she blows him.
NOM NOM NOM
It’s like he’s trying to suck venom out of a wound.
I made a gif.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
DON’T YOU EYE FUCK ME, BOY!
TMI apparently means nothing to these people.
A girl who thinks premature ejaculation is the norm? JACK-FUCKING-POT!!
PDA = public display of awkwardness
Someone fucked his face long ago.
He might be better off playing tonsil hockey with a pitbull. Holy sheeee-it Batman.
Hahaha hoooooly shit this is awkward. The girl I was in love with in high school for like ten years refused to kiss me because she wanted her first kiss to be on her wedding day. Assumedly it was, and a kid followed exactly 9 months later. People are fucked.
I was all prepared to defend their choice as sweet and loving, and then I saw the video. I was a virgin until I was married, and even I wanted to lock them in a room with a high-priced call girl until they could come out and do it right. Ugh.
I am totally going to watch this. That “kissing” scene was fucking sick! My stomach is actually hurting now. It was like they were racing each other for the grossness championship. If EVAR there was a need for hover hand to be implemented, we just saw it.
Wait…this is not how you’re supposed to do it?
I hope he dry-humped her leg raw.
If they made a porn of their wedding night, I’d watch it until my eyes bled.
I reclaimed my virginity after marriage…..
….well, actually after children…..
Technically……I’ve asked my shower wall to keep secrets…..
Does anyone else think that the .gif makes her look like Hellen Keller?
It looks kinda like a momma bird feeding her babies.
Virgin zombies who were eating each others faces.
Jim Carrey and Weird Al Yankovic could have shared a less mortifying kiss.
It’s like a CPR dummy that smells like broccoli farts.
Glad to see a Homeschool edition of The Real Housewives.
Is Sam Rockwell officiating their wedding?