Archer: The Book to Save the Publishing Industry (or At Least Be Better Than Barney Stinson’s Book)

Still looking for the perfect Christmas gift to pre-order for the Oedipal-obsessed, Burt Reynolds-admiring, mulatto butts-loving, alligator-fearing, scotch-drinking person in your life? Well, here you go: on January 17, Harper Collins will publish How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written. It’s written by Adam Reed and the rest of the “Archer” team, and “written” by Sterling Archer himself. According to Harper Collins’ website, the book will show you:

What to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers), and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.

It’s only $10.87 on Amazon — or less than the cost of buying the mp3 of “Danger Zone” 11 times.