“Hey, did you hear about this? This is in the news: the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-il, passed away on Saturday. Yup, yup, it’s true. They say he SMALL JOKE while WEARING SUNGLASSES, and it’s rumored that AMERICAN POP CULTURE CELEBRITY will take over.”
I hate late night monologues. Just everything about them: the set-up, the formula, the body swaying to indicate an “I’m just joking” demeanor, the conversational asides in the middle of the joke, the repetition of certain words and names, and most of all, the oh-so-topical punchlines. I don’t usually watch “Letterman” or “Kimmel” or even “Conan,” simply because I can’t stand the first 10 minutes of every show (I also don’t watch the other 50 when it comes to “Leno.”) The text above, that’s pretty much the route every late-night host took to tell their Kim Jong-il’s dead joke(s) last night. But can you match the joke with said host? No cheating! Here’s the first, with the other three — as well as the answers— after the jump.
Well, in North Korea, they announced the passing of their supreme leader Kim Jong-il, and his younger son will take over. At first, there was speculation that power could be passed down to Kim’s two sisters, Kourtney Jong-il and Khloe Jong-il…And Michele Bachmann, foreign affairs not her strong suit, when she was told of the Supreme Leader’s death, she said, “I didn’t even know Diana Ross was sick.” And Rick Perry, y’know, Rick Perry, Rick Perry didn’t fare much better. When he was told about Kim Jong-il, he said, “I never heard of him. Then again, I don’t listen to that rap music.”
Hey guys, huge international news, you guys. Kim Jong-il, the crazy leader of North Korea who hated us, that guy. He passed away over the weekend, and get this: his 28-year-old son, Kim Jong-un, is taking over. It won’t be easy, because he’s got some big sunglasses to fill. It’s going to be tough.
Hey, here’s something: you know that Kim Jong-il, you know who I’m talking about? The evil dictator of North Korea? Guess what: dropped dead. Yup, yeah. Thank you, Seal Team Six. Now everyone’s worried who’s going to take over for Kim Jong-il. They think it’s going to be his son, Kim W.-il. He’s also survived by his daughter, Kim Jong-dashian. And just about now, Osama bin Laden is probably showing Kim Jong-il around Hell. So now the only tiny tyrant left is Mayor Bloomberg.
Gotta talk about this shocking news. Big, big story. Kim Jong-il died yesterday. You all heard about that, right? They have not named his successor yet, but the rumor is that it’s going to be Ryan Seacrest. That guy gets EVERYTHING, and he says he can fit it into his schedule. This is the latest: yesterday North Korea leader Kim Jong-il died of a heart attack. That was the cause. No one knows what triggered it, but he apparently had a lot of money riding on the Denver Broncos. Crazy, strange facts are coming out about Kim Jong-il today: it’s being reported, this is true, that schoolchildren in North Korea were taught that Kim Jong-il did not urinate or defecate. That’s true, yeah, so today, most schoolchildren just assumed that their Fearless Leader exploded.
Answers below this picture of Jay Leno giving Krusty a bath:
1. Leno; 2. Fallon; 3. Letterman; 4. Conan
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![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/conan-flaming-c-3-150x150.jpg)
got them all right.
1. Political, had to be Leno
2. Fallon always has a scripted “ad-lib” at the end of his jokes, thus the final “It’s going to be tough.”
3. Letterman, asking questions during the joke, “You know who I’m talking about?”
4. Conan, because it had the best punchline: “…it’s being reported, this is true, that schoolchildren in North Korea were taught that Kim Jong-il did not urinate or defecate. That’s true, yeah, so today, most schoolchildren just assumed that their Fearless Leader exploded. “
I got 1 and 3. The first was obvious because it was the worst, and the third was easy to hear in Dave’s voice. Although I’m surprised that Dave didn’t bust out his beloved “Menta Li-il” joke.
I couldn’t tell that No. 2 was Fallon because you left out *laughs to self*.
Got 1 and 3, flipped 2 and 4. Not too shabby, I guess.
It’s a shame power can’t be transferred to that dark ass countryside at night.
heh? ehhhh
Stumbled over 1. Actually chuckled at don’t listen to that rap music.
1. Was easy because it was the least creative.
2. Nailed Fallon because he’s talks like a little brother who wants to be included in things: “Hey guys, you hear about this guys??”
3. Critical and Patty both got Letterman right, and kudos to Patty for beating me to the Menta- Li-il reference – I had the exact same thought.
4. Disappointed in myself that I thought this was Kimmel. Looking back I can totally hear it in Conan’s voice, but I didn’t know he was still on. (and with that joke, I’m now qualified to write for Leno).
There are little tics that I’m fascinated by with each host. Fallon says “guys” a lot, while Conan uses a lot of hyperbolic language (“SHOCKING news,” “big, big story,” etc.) And of course Dave and Jay would use the same fucking Kardashian joke.
Oh, and: Ferguson didn’t have a Kim Jong joke (because he’s the best) and Kimmel, Colbert, and Stewart all had the night off.
Reading late-nite monologues is like watching shitty comedies without the laugh tracks
Number 3 to me was the easiest to spot. Letterman always uses that “Hey, here’s something” line to introduce a joke.
Letterman and Conan were easy to spot for me. Fallon and Leno took a little bit of thought and consideration before I figured ‘em out. Josh is right: they all have identifiable tics.
I though three was Kimmel until there was a NYC reference.
God I can see a Leno joke coming a mile away, the stench is that strong.
I was going to detail my guesses and then I scrolled down to that 7 of 9 picture and I got all nervous.
Here’s how to tell them apart…
#1… Could have been said by an 80 year old Borscht-belt comedian = Leno
#2… Simple, to the point, smirk but no laugh = Fallon.
#3… “Hey, here’s something”, like he’s reading a newspaper = Letterman. The “Bloomberg” thing is a clincher since he’s the only one who would make a joke about a NY politician.
#4… Potty joke = Conan. Also, something about the timing of the patter.
Off the board: If it’s straight to the point and funnier than a Fallon monologue comment, it’s probably Kimmel. At least Fallon makes up for it to some degree with skit humor.
I was 3/4. I thought Kimmel told joke 2. Oh well.
And the one that made a joke about Kim Jong-Il making a reference to Latino culture was George Lopez.
Got all of them, if you’ll believe me.
1. Not funny
2. “You guys”
3. Talking about New York City
4. Lots of animated talking, esp “that guy gets EVERYTHING.”
Oh, and you can smell the Stangel on Letterman’s Kardashian references. (It smells like bacon fat and masturbation hands.)
Gotta love a good Conan poop joke.
@Thatsamare: Same here. Never watch his show and always forget about Fallon now that I’m old. But I could actually hear the other 3 as I read their bits.