HOLY CRAP. Not that anyone outside of the morons in Times Square actually watches more than a minute of it, but the New Year’s Eve specials this year are TERRIBLE. I mean, they’re terrible every year, but they seem particularly terrible this year. Or should I say next year? Hi-yo!
That’s the kind of joke you should expect from your esteemed New Year’s Eve hosts, like Carson Daly (with special guests Tony Bennett and Jessie J) on NBC, or Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest (with blink-182, LMFAO, will.i.am., and other kids these days with their obnoxiously spelled groups) on ABC, or whoever’s hosting “American Country New Year’s Live” on FOX. Garth Brooks, probably. Not to mention just everything on MTV.
You dead-eyed it, Fry. So, my question to you on this dreadfully slow news day: if you could choose anyone (or anything) to host a New Year’s Eve special, who would it be? Would you go the obvious route and pick Alison Brie? Would you reunite the casts of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” or “Party Down” to do the honors? How about a group of corgis stacked on top of another one in a trench coat? Hell, I’d pay to see that. My choice is…
Guy knows how to party AND he’d call out everyone waiting in the cold for hours just to be on TV.
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I’d like to see Walter White walk on the set of any of those “specials” with a bag of fulminated mercury, and pull a visit to Tuco’s on it.
Well that’s easy. Tyler the Creator.
Troy and Abed in the New Yeeeaar.
I have no problem with people who stay home on New Year’s Eve, but the ones who stay home and watch network television are why Americans are hated by other countries.
Sterling Archer.
Roger Sterling
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Johnny Mathis.
Don’t ask me why, it just works.
Carl from Aqua Teen.
I actually like Dick Clark as a host. Stroke victims are hilarious.
Dick Clark talking on national TV is far more uncomfortable to watch than anything the UK version of The Office ever did.
The only way I’d watch is if the gang from It’s Always Sunny hosted, with copious amounts of riot juice and rum ham.
If they play CharDee MacDennis, I say give them an entire 24-hour block.
Still waiting for someone to tell me why people let Jessie J and LMFAO become famous.
Jeez, someone hates partying.
Ruxin and Lana Kane.
THECURSOR’S NEW YEARS SPECTACULAR!
Join us this New Year with your hosts Conan O’Brien, Zach Galifianakis, and Patton Oswalt for a twelve hour New Years spectacular! First Join the full cast of MST3K as they mock the previous year’s worst movies, then live performances by the White Stripes, Metallica, Jay-Z, Daft Punk, AC/DC and the Glitch Mob. Then the night gets into full swing when we inject four hundred ccs of hospital grade stimulants into Brock Lesner and lock him in a room with the cast of the Jersey Shore and an angry bear. Next up, special episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Game of Thrones, and Justified. Then we have a special two hour long movie event as the casts of Community and Sons of Anarchy guest star on Parks and Recreation. Then Christina Hendricks challenges Katy Perry to a pudding wrestling contest just as the clock turns to eleven o’clock (Gina Carano as special referee). Finally we round out the nights entertainment as Robert Downey Jr., Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell and John C Reily drive up and down the 405 freeway and shoot missile launchers at abandoned cars and Scientology buildings. Finally the night draws to a close as Clint Eastwood gives a five minute lecture on how to not be a pussy in the new year as the ball drops in Times Square with a massive plastic explosive charge.
Yes Yes Yes to everything stated above. I wish it were winter so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the spring time and drink it!
This is just what New Years would look like if I was king of television
Cap Boso and Dickey Simpkins
While Ron Swanson is awesome, I think Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio would be much better New Year’s Eve hosts. You know they’d have awesome party music, washed-up NBA has-beens, and TONS of gorgeous women. They’d just have to get Ben and Leslie to organize the whole thing.
Yes, I watch Parks & Rec too much.
G.G. Allin.
Jim J Bullock and Carla Gugino.