HBO released a teaser for its upcoming movie Game Change, based on the best-selling book that chronicled the 2008 election, and it looks interesting I guess but LORD HAVE MERCY I have no interest in turning this into a discussion about politics or which party and/or candidate hated America the most. I’d rather try to eat a frisbee. So, instead, I’ll make these two observations:
- When Julianne Moore first appeared on stage, I thought to myself “Wow, she really looks like Sarah Palin.” But then I realized EVERYBODY looks like Sarah Palin if you pile their hair on top of their head and put some librarian glasses on them. It’s such a signature look at this point that you could probably put DMX in that get-up and people would be like, “Huh. I never realized how much he looked like Palin.” (Just so we’re all clear or this, DMX in a Sarah Palin costume would be the funniest thing ever. It wouldn’t even be close. — AWESOME UPDATE BELOW.)
- Since everyone who’s interested in this stuff already knows most of the details, they should have spiced things up a little. Like, maybe they could have turned McCain into my favorite stock movie character of all time: the gruff police chief. He could call Palin into his office and start yelling about what a live wire she is, and how, DAMMIT, the head of the RNC is gonna have his ass for her reckless shenanigans. Then she’d yell back “I GET RESULTS,” and he’d take her off the case and order her to stay away from Cortez’s warehouse even though Cortez killed her partner and is flooding the streets with tainted dope. Then she’d go undercover and take the whole gang down with only the help of her canine sidekick, Gipper. Also, let’s change her name to something like Mallory Justice or Paige Lawless. Now THAT’S a movie I would watch.
Courtesy of commenter Squabbler, we have confirmation of my DMX as Palin theory. WHAT Y’ALL READERS WANT? UH.
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The DMX-starring one would have so been called Palin Up In Here.
The sequel would be “Rogue Riders: It’s Dark, and Alaska is Cold.”
Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind.
/oddly appropriate, actually
Oh Danger you are just tooooooooo much
Thanks! I think! HEY LOOK WE HAVE REPLIES NOW!
“You’re a real loose cannon Palin, you pull another stunt like this and you’ll be writing up fishing permit violators in Bumblefuck, Alaska!”
Ah man, they skipped some of the best parts of the book (I assume) by just going straight to McCain’s choice of Palin. The parts about the primary and everyone wanting to punch Romney in the face were some of the more memorable moments, but I guess everyone just wants to see Palin.
I’d watch Ed Harris do forty years or so of John McCain. This, not so much.
Oh, Sarah Palin loves the SHIT out of America. America and Glenn Rice.
/aware that it’s a cheap shot, but where else can you find an example of every racist in America’s favorite politician getting plowed by a big scary black basketball player?
Plenty of racists like Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry.
Wait until we find out they also had sex with Glenn Rice.
Oh man, I hope they portray Charlie Crist as supergay
Try as he can, John McCain will never get those spices just right.
DMX as Palin would be very controversial due to his belief that we should stop bein greedy and give to the needy. THAT IS SOCIALISM, SIR.
He’d still look pretty hot as Palin. Wait, what?
Really wish we’d stop giving that dumb bitch any attention. A class act fire crotch like Jullianne Moore is way too good to play Palin.
But will this… CHANGE THE GAME?
I wonder if Julianne Moore went full method? Shooting wolves from helicopters, boning your daughter’s boyfriend on a polar bearskin rug, selling fire water to inuits, clubbing a baby seal and baptizing your baby in oil would be living the Alaskan dream.
Daniel Day-Lewis would call her a lazy cow if she didn’t.
“Oh gosh golly, you are going to make me lose my mind up in here, don’t you know.”
“You n#$$%s betcha!”
I’m trying to think of who McCain could have picked that would have changed the election- surprisingly the only answer that I can think of is DMX.
STOP, DROP, SHUT’EM DOWN OPEN UP SHOP….. WITH TAX A BREAK FOR A JOB CREATOR.
While a lot of people have taken the day off to shop, I have decided to sit at work and ‘shop…
[i.imgur.com]
OUTSTANDING.
I don’t use the word “hero” lightly, but you, my friend, might be the greatest hero in all of American history.
Brilliant
Simply spectacular.
OMG OMG OMG OMG
Thank you, gentlemen!
Hey, can you get the HTML gods to move that “Reply” button over to the right? I like it, but right now it really interrupts the reading flow of the comments from a visual standpoint.
I hope this film version of Mark Halperin’s book is just as insightful as his commentary during the election. If you don’t remember him, (a) lucky you and (b) he’s the guy who said that when John McCain didn’t know how many houses he owned, that was a good thing for the McCain campaign.
I heard they were going to get a lobotomized goat to play him in the movie.
Mark Halperin is the Skip Bayliss of politics.
“She’s a pitbull with lipstick!” (ONE LOVE BOOMER)
“Grrrrrrr, arf arf! You think it’s a fuckin game!?”
I nearly hyperventilated by trying to do the third verse of “What These Bitches Want” in a Sarah Palin accent. Try it for yourself:
There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia
Teresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky
Cookies, well I met her in a ice cream parlor
Tonya, Diane, Lori and Carla
Marina, Selena, Katrina. Sabrina
About three Kim’s, LaToya, and Tina
Shelley, Bridget, Cavi, Rasheeda
Kelly, Nicole, Angel, Juanita
Stacy, Tracie, Rohna, and Ronda
Donna, Ulanda Tawana, and Wanda
hyperventilated laughing, I should say.
I hope the unrated version has Amanda Seyfried (as Elisabeth Hasselbeck) giving it so Palin/Moore good and hard, Chloe-style. And if you haven’t seen that scene from Chloe, stop everything and look it up on the interweb.
But what if your maverick turns out to be a D.C. Insider? That’s what DMX really would worry about.
*watches Who’s Nailin’ Palin and Boogie Nights splitscreen* AWWW YEEEEAH!
Huh, DMX really does look like Sarah Palin…
How many times has the subject of a biopic looked better than the starlet who played her?
That is a painfully ernest question.