I’m terrible at introductions, so I won’t bother. I’ll just say this: We have a mutual love of Alison Brie’s boobs, as well as a mutual fondness for “Community” (I’ve been running a “Community” countdown elsewhere). You like “The Wire”? I commissioned this. I invented Butthole Day, and I made Christina Hendricks’ a$$ its mascot.
YOU STILL SUCK, ROWLES. BRING BACK MATT.
I know, I know. Get it all out. Turn the comments section into Veteran’s Stadium, if you’d like. It’s OK. It’ll make you feel better, and ultimately, that’s what we’re here for. But if there’s one thing I know from watching TV shows about fake politicians, it’s this: If the public hates you, don’t try to change their perception, direct their hatred somewhere else. Like, British buffoon and all-around wanker scab, Piers Morgan. Listen, Piers: When you’re attempting to say a few heartfelt words about the passing of a beloved comedian, here’s a hint: It’s a good idea to get his gender right, you flabby-faced knob.
“It’s a sad day for comedy with the death of Patrice O’Neal, who I know that you knew,” Piers Morgan said to his guest, Dane Cook. “She died of a stroke today. I want to take a quick look at Patrice on Jimmy Fallon, to remind everyone just how funny she was.”
The clip above doesn’t include segment after the Fallon clip (you can see it here), but instead of apologizing for getting a dead comedian’s gender wrong, he simply says that “he’s a very funny guy” before Dane Cook offers a few words of false sentiment while sucking all the air out of the room in the way that only the Prince of Douchelvania knows how.
Nice job, Piers. You’ve already aged into the senile old man that it took Larry King 107 years to become. Congratulations.
(Via Gawker)
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FMK Danger, Josh, Dustin
To be fair to that British fop, Patrice had some nice titties.
Dane Cook: “My only regret…is that he didn’t live long enough…for me to blatantly steal several of his jokes and then act like I’m the victim when people point it out.”
“Turn the comments section into Veteran’s Stadium, if you’d like.”
Veteran’s Stadium? Unlike someone else I know, YOU didn’t serve as commander of a tank battalion in Iraq.
What do you mean you are not good at introductions. You literally just hit on all the finer points of why TV can be great. A man gotta have a code, and yours sir seems to be rock solid. Welcome
Dustin bringing the hate on his first WG post. Nice work. I think we can be friends.
picture needs photoshopped corgi in a lobster suit. yes, its going to be like that. at least for a while.
“Turn the comments section into Veteran’s Stadium, if you’d like.”
What else am I supposed to do with all of these dead batteries?
“Up next, Carlos Mencia with his new skit of how to tell how pretty white women are by the amount of time search parties look for them!”
Good job Dustin for coming out the gate with some hate and thanks to @Bobby Big Wheel, cuz he delivered the perfect spot-on welcome
“Patrice O’Neal, she was quite the comedian. And boy, would I have shagged the tallywackers off of her muffin kitty. What’s that? She’s a he? I stand by my statement.”
I’m getting my blogs all confused up.
Alright, good start Rowles. Very nice vitriol! Now we just need some jiggly boob gifs topped off with a clothed dog, and you hit the hat trick on the first day.
Oh and for that Irish bitch Piers, how about you go put your kilt on, get in the kitchen and bake my croissants you stupid wop!
Yes, at least Dane won’t be able to rip him off like he did that rather gnarly looking chick, Lois C.K.
I’ll give Dane Cook a pass here. Dude has been friends with Patrice for ages, they came up together. His schmaltzy sentiment was likely heartfelt.
That said, tss Morgan can take a long walk off a short Piers or sumptin, tss. /CHIPPED
I was going to rip you a new one but then you mentioned Veterans stadium and won me over. Is it possible theres another Philly fan running this blog now? because Matt can go fuck himself if thats the case.
Dustin at WG. Very tight butthole.
Patrice O’Neal, she was that fat Italian bitch that always talked about getting railed by black guys, right?
On a related subject, anyone else excited for Denis Leary’s new CD, No Cure For Diabetes?
This doesn’t conform to my belief that Pajiba was/is a bunch of NERDS.
Good start.
Is Butthole Day every November 15th or does it rotate depending on the moon’s location?
Using Dane Cook as a mouthpiece instead of the “Tough Crowd” crew?
For shame
I wonder what Matt would have written about this.
Opie’s Beard: I like your commenter name so much I won’t mention what I actually think of Philly. And guitarjustin, I wouldn’t get ahead of yourself, but I’ll try to hide the NERD behind Alison Brie’s boobs as much as possible.
If we’re putting in requests, I’d like to suggest more shirtless Jeff Winger to go along with Annie’s boobs.
The King is dead! Long live the Queen!
I would love to add to this, but I can find nothing wrong with this article whatsoever. Genius. I am humbled.
You mean Patrice O’Neal is not the funnier black guy on the The Office?
I hadn’t seen Patrice O’Neil’s standup until the uncut version came on Comedy Central last night and damn if it didn’t make me more upset by his untimely passing.
Watch what you say about my adopted hometown, Rowles. I got pictures you don’t want released.
yeah, butthole day is nice, but do you spend half your day hiding in timothy Olyphants laundry basket?
Fuck you